是的 "小歇便利店"着火了 Yeah, I got a fire at the Quick Stop.
是的 Yeah.
恐怖袭击? Terrorists?
我是不是又忘记关咖啡壶了? I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I?
娘的! Shit!
这下子我老妈在家的时候 Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck
我到哪找地方跟马子爽呢? when my mom's home?
片名:《疯狂店员２》
♪ Here we stand ♪
♪ Like an Adam and an Eve ♪
♪ Waterfalls ♪
♪ The Garden of Eden ♪
♪ Two fools in love ♪
♪ So beautiful... ♪
最后一天都准备好了? So, ready for your big last day?
嗯 I am.
你跟你老婆什么时候动身去佛州? When do you and your old lady head down to Florida?
明早 Tomorrow morning.
车都装好了 Car's all packed up.
永远离开新泽西之前 You gonna do anything crazy
想不想做点荒唐事? before you leave New Jersey forever?
你认识我多久了? How long have you known me?
如果我是你 我就会在整面墙上 If I were you, I'd spray-paint "eat pussy"
用大大的字母写上"吃B去" across the side of the building in huge letters.
为什么? Why?
让他们记得你 Let 'em know you were there, man.
我宁愿让他们记得我不是个浑球 I'd rather let them know I'm not an asshole.
来不及了 Too late for that.
我会很想你的 哥们 I'm really gonna miss you, man.
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Once there were parking lots ♪
♪ Now it's a peaceful oasis ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
♪ This was a Pizza Hut ♪
♪ Now it's all covered with daisies ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
♪ I miss the honky-tonks, Dairy Queens and 7-Elevens ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
♪ And as things fell apart ♪
♪ Nobody paid much attention ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
♪ Years ago ♪
♪ I was an angry young man... ♪
他们居然置之不理 就这样让它站在路边 I can't believe they haven't done anything with it yet.
上帝已经出过手了 The Lord did something with it.
一出手就除掉了这个狗屎地方 He smited that hellhole.
瞧你说的 Listen to you.
你敢说你一点都不怀念这个地方? Do you mean to tell me you don't miss that place at all?
当然不了 God, no.
你呢? Do you?
当然也不 Of course not.
♪ I wish I had a lawnmower ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
（吃屄去）
♪ I dream of cherry pies ♪
♪ Candy bars and chocolate chip cookies ♪
♪ You've got it, you've got it ♪
♪ Don't leave me stranded here ♪
♪ I can't get used to this lifestyle. ♪
♪ Grandma, what was it like ♪
♪ To be on that holiday site? ♪
滚吧! Get the fuck out of here!
♪ Grandma said, "Do come in, my little friend." ♪
改进版的杰与沉默鲍伯
有时候我真希望做些有意义的事情 You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life
而不是呆在这种地方卖大麻 instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit.
比如说 做个兽医 Like, maybe be an animal doctor.
我怎么不是呢? Why not me?
我喜欢海豹 I like seals and shit.
或者是宇航员 Or maybe an astronaut.
是啊 Yeah.
比如说开拓星系的第一人 Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy
或者发现外星生命… or find a new alien life-form...
去他妈的 and fuck it.
人们就会说"看啊 And people'd be like, "There he goes.
他就是那个干过火星人的哥们" Homeboy fucked a Martian once."
妈呀 Holy shit.
我们胜利回归后的第一个客人 Our first customer since our triumphant return.
装得酷一点 Act cool.
稳住 Hold on.
哥们 有货吗? Yeah, you guys holdir?
除了K粉、白粉和你的老二 其他应有尽有 Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock.
什么? What?
来一小包吧 How about a nickel bag, man?
15美元 小家伙 Oh, 15 bucks, little man.
放到我的手上来 Put that shit in my hand.
♪ Nong, nong, nagga- nagga-nong-nong. ♪
他喜欢唱歌 He likes to sing.
有阵子没见到你哥俩了 So, uh, I haven't seen you guys in a while, man.
上哪儿去了? Where you been all this time?
我和沉默鲍伯买了辆车 Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car,
我们一路开车 打算去赌城玩… we're cruising down to the Boardwalk...
狗日的中城（俄亥俄州）警察把我们拦下来 fucking Middletown cop pulls us over
说我们涉嫌扰乱公共秩序 for Suspicion of Mischief.
那是什么意思? What the fuck does that mean?
我们打开了安全气囊开车兜风 We were driving around with a deployed airbag.
警察让我们停车 The cops pull us over.
他们发现了两磅牙买加羔羊毛 （他们发现我们没穿裤子） They find two pounds of Jamaican lambswool.
检察官想让我们蹲大牢 Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime,
法官却送我们进了戒治所 but the judge gives us rehab instead.
妈妈的 戒治所啊? Shit, rehab?
是啊 Yup-yup.
你们在那儿呆了多久? How long were you in?
6个月 先生 Six months, sir.
我们戒了6个月零两天的毒 We got six months and two days on the wagon
跟比尔·威尔逊（演员）成了好朋友 as a good friend of Bill W.'s.
瞧 Check it out.
两天前刚弄到的 我们出来之前不久 Just got it two days ago, before we got out.
不过像你们这样 身上每天都带着货 Yeah, but if you're holding all the time,
难道不怕禁不住诱惑吗? aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?
不会的 先生 我们有耶酥基督作后盾 Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir.
那玩意是他妈的圣经吗? Is that a fuckir Bible?
嘿 嘿 是他妈神圣的圣经 小子! Hey, hey, the Holy fuckir Bible, son!
这哼哼唧唧的小子 真他妈是个怪胎 What the fuck kind of songbird Jesus-freak dealer
你怎么带我来找他买货? did you bring me to?
我喜欢他们 他们很有趣 I like them, man. They're funny.
他们是他妈的蠢货 They're fuckir stupid.
你们应该多读圣经 先生们 You should read your Bible, sirs.
那里面什么怪事都有 You'll find all types of weird shit in there.
你们晓得不晓得耶酥是个犹太人? Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?
晓得 Yeah.
给我拿两个鸡蛋松饼 I need two Egga-Mooby Muffins,
还有马铃薯煎饼快没了 and we're almost out of hash browns.
等等 Hold on.
就现在 蓝道! Now, Randal!
你在那边写什么呢 What are you writing over there, anyway,
写回忆录吗? your memoirs?
我在干架呢 I'm battling
跟一个杂碎在他的部落格上干架 this jackass on his blog's message board.
干的什么架? About what?
我说他时间太多 活得没有意义 On how he's got too much free time and no life.
跟他干架的人也是如此 So does the guy who's flaming him on his Web site.
这家伙太让我生气了 我受不了 I can't help it. The guy pisses me off.
那鸟人坐在轮椅上 It's this fuck in a wheelchair
整天强求别人的同情 that's always preying on everyone's sympathies,
写些长长的谩骂文章 抱怨自己再也无法走路了 writing these long diatribes about how he'll never walk again
而那些能够用腿走路的人 and how walkers should appreciate the blessings
应该学会珍惜 of their functioning legs.
你说的所谓"谩骂" That diatribe, as you call it,
似乎仅仅是个可怜的残疾人 sounds like some poor crippled guy
在倾吐内心的感受 pouring out his heart and feelings.
哦 去他妈的 Oh, fuck him, man.
他自己是个瘸子 我有两条好腿 我就应该觉得有罪吗? Trying to guilt me into walking around more because he's all gimped out?
这是他妈的什么思维方式啊? What kind of mind-fuck is that shit?
所以我咬住他不放 So I've been getting into it with him,
狠狠回击这瘸小子 throwing it back in his stupid crippy-boy face
我说我有多喜欢坐着 about how I love to just sit around
走几十步就到的地方 我宁愿开车也不愿意走 and how I'd rather drive to the end of the block than walk.
他是坐轮椅的 The guy's in a wheelchair.
是啊 所以我才叫他瘸小子 Yeah. That's why I called him crippy-boy.
慢用 Have a good one.
你这该死的怪物 You fuckir freak.
我都不打算指出讽刺的地方 I'm not even gonna point out the irony here.
你搞什么啊? What's the matter with you?
我又怎么了? What'd I do now?
他不过是个瘸子 感到与世隔绝 There's a crippled guy who found a way
所以用自己的方式说出内心感受 to reach out to a world he feels isolated from,
你却想方设法跟他较劲 and you somehow found a way to take issue with him.
你倒站在他那边了 Sure, take his side.
你是不是觉得苦大仇深 Have you become so embittered
以至于要找个残疾人发泄? that you now feel the need to attack the handicapped?
什么残疾啊? What handicap?
那家伙不过是坐轮椅罢了 The guy's just in a wheelchair.
他再苦会苦得过安妮·法兰克? It's not like he's Anne Frank or something.
安妮·法兰克? Anne Frank?
是啊安妮·法兰克 一个女的 她那什么了… Yeah, Anne Frank, the chick that was all...
…直到"奇迹缔造者"出现 ...till the miracle worker showed up
她才稍微懂点事 and knocked some smarts into her.
你说的是 You're talking
海伦·凯勒 about Helen Keller.
不 不是的 我说的是安妮·法兰克 No, I'm not. I'm talking about Anne Frank.
她又聋 又哑 又瞎 She was deaf, dumb and blind.
她才不是呢 No, she wasrt.
海伦·凯勒才是又聋 又哑 又瞎 Helen Keller was deaf, dumb and blind.
真的吗? Are you sure?
嗯 Yup.
那安妮·法兰克又他妈是谁? Then who the fuck's Anne Frank?
安妮·法兰克是个犹太小女孩 Anne Frank's the little Jewish girl
她藏身于家中的一个密室 who hid from the Nazis
以躲避纳粹的残害 in a secret room with her family.
她写了本日记 She wrote a diary.
对哦 Oh, yeah.
我猜那家伙就像安妮·法兰克 Well, then, I guess this guy is like Anne Frank,
他也写日记什么的 what with the diary, you know?
不 她像海伦·凯勒 因为他也是残疾人 混蛋! No, he's like Helen Keller with the handicap, you jerk!
你每次都要正确 是吗? You always got to be right, don't you?
你这个纳粹贱货 You Nazi douche bag.
什么 你要什么? What? What do you want?
早晨不供应大牛堡 No, we don't serve Cow Tippers in the morning.
可以换法式烤面包 Freedom Toast is a possibility.
哦 我们真的很喜欢 Oh, we totally do.
好了 一共12.64美元 All right, that'll be $12.64.
别看了 变态 Avert your eyes, you perv.
我不过是要说 That's not very hygienic.
这样不太卫生 That's all I'm gonna tell you.
艾玛 你为什么要这么做 Emma, are you like this
是因为你有硕大无比的阴蒂吗? 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
你什么事都跟他说吗? You just had to tell him, didn't you?
我说漏嘴了 It kind of came out one day.
他说你阴蒂非常大 He says it's so big,
跟个小老二似的… it's almost like a little cock...
而他竟然还喜欢 which says all kinds of weird things about him
原因我想都不敢想 that I don't even want to think about.
你难道不喜欢阴蒂大的女孩吗? You wouldn't want to be with a girl with an oversized clit?
不喜欢 再大一点 就赶上老二小的男人了 No, 'cause the next stop is a guy with an undersized dick.
你下面小帐篷支起来 You're a little hard.
因为你贴得太紧了 'Cause you're a little close to me.
行啊 那我往后挪一点 I can pull back, if you want.
我们能不能挪到佛州自己的公寓去? Can we pull back into our own apartment in Florida again?
是吗?该死 丹堤 Really? Goddamn it, Dante.
这个话题我们还要说多少遍? How many times are we gonna have this fucking conversation?
干嘛要买公寓啊 There is no point in getting an apartment anymore.
我妈妈不是都说了吗? My mother has pretty much told us
我们结婚的时候 她送我们一套房子 that she's gonna get us a house as a wedding gift.
你父母的慷慨 Your parents' generosity
让我觉得有些不舒服 艾玛 just makes me a little uncomfortable, Em.
他们给我们一套房子 They're giving us a house.
你爸爸给我一间他的洗车店 Your dad's giving me one of his car washes to run.
我只是觉得怪怪的 It just feels weird.
宝贝 你觉得怪那是因为 Babe, it just feels weird because you're so used
你已经习惯了生活对你的不公 to life shitting on you all the time.
你这话是他妈的什么意思? What the fuck does that mean?
我是说 突然之间 All I'm saying is that suddenly,
你有了个爱你的女人 you have a woman that loves you,
一份新的工作机会 a new job opportunity
前途一片光明 是吗? and a fantastic life to look forward to, right?
别不承认 老虎 你中大奖了 You got to face it, tiger: You hit the jackpot.
怎么了? What's up?
哪儿不对吗? Something wrong?
没有 Nope.
我看见你们在说话 Just saw you guys talking.
也想过来跟你们一起聊聊 Thought I'd come out here and join you.
老天 你这份工真悠闲 这么多休息时间 God, it must be nice to have a job with so much downtime.
一张一弛 文武之道嘛 Downtime's important.
如果我整天应付这些白痴 If I had to deal with all the fucking mouth-breathers
一刻也不休息的话 nonstop, without a break,
还不如把我的脑袋丢进煎锅 I'd put my head in the deep fryer.
还有我的两颗蛋蛋 Balls, too.
你真打算在旁边看我和我未婚夫亲热吗? Do you really want to sit here and watch me and my fiance make out?
- 你真的那么无聊吗? - 不是 - Are you that much of a loser? - Not really.
我实际上是想让你们 在我出来后停一停 I was actually gonna ask you two to knock it off while I was out here.
我还真是不明白了 你为什么不能为你的好朋友高兴呢? I don't fucking understand why you can't be happy for your best friend.
他终于找到了一个爱他的女人 He finally found a woman who loves him.
你在我眼里根本不是女人 Like you even register as a chick to me.
跟男人也差不多 You might as well be a dude.
是吗? Really?
是啊 你是我好朋友的马子 Yeah. You're my best friend's girlfriend.
自从他占领你的私处之后 You became persona non-nookie to me
你在我眼中就不是女人了 the moment he started diddling your pooter.
因此如果把我当成女人的话 So thinking of me in terms of being a girl
有点让你觉得害怕 是吗? kind of creeps you out, does it?
亲爱的 我不认为你是个女人 Sweetheart, I don't think of you in terms of being a girl.
我从来就不认为你… I don't think of you in any way...
哦 太不应该了 Oh, that was just wrong.
如果你还不滚开 If you don't get the fuck out of here
让我跟我的男人好好呆在一起 so that I can spend some quality time with my man,
接下来就要给你看我的私处了 next, I'm gonna show you my pooter.
你怎么会做那种事情呢? Why would you want to do something like that?
好吧 好吧 我走还不行吗! All right, all right, I'm leaving!
老天! Jesus!
你干嘛那样? What'd you do that for?
他肯定以为你是在向他暗示 You realize he just thinks you're trying
要他跟我们来床上三人行 to get him into a three-way with us now, don't you?
是啊 跟葛雷夫斯吗? Yeah, right. With Graves?
那家伙就是匹种马 跟大多数新泽西男人一样 That mars a total fucking Lloyd, like most Jersey guys.
嘿! Hey!
你现在嘴巴硬 等过了州界以后 You talk tough, but when we're crossing the state line,
我打赌你肯定会想新泽西的 I bet you get all sentimental for Jersey
还会泪如泉涌 and squirt a few tears.
是啊 也许是高兴得泪如泉涌 Yeah, tears of joy, maybe.
新泽西真差劲 Jersey sucks,
到处都是白痴 and we are surrounded by morons.
说到这个 我得走了 On that note, I'm gonna go.
你要走了? Whoa, whoa, whoa! You're leaving?
是啊 在我们明早离开之前 Yeah, I've got a ton of stuff to do
我还有很多事情要做 我爱你 before we leave in the morning, but I love you.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
再见 Bye.
哥们 我肯定你马子 想让你我和她玩床上三人行 Dude, I'm pretty sure your old lady wants to get you and me together in a three-way.
哥们 你几岁了啊? Dude, how old are you?
你晓得的 我19岁 蓝道 You know I'm 19, Randal.
你不肯替我上班 还记得吗? You wouldn't work for me last week, remember?
因为你说生日的时候上班 'Cause you said working on my birthday
会帮我塑造性格 （我吃老二） would help me build character.
起码这次你"老二"两个字写对了 Well, at least you spelled "cock" right this time.
你为什么现在上班还要妈妈送? Why the fuck are you still getting rides from your mother?
还有更糟糕的 And even worse,
你怎么还跟她吻别? what the fuck are you kissing her good-bye for?
她难道是你的中学舞伴吗? What is she, your fuckir prom date?
你说什么都没用 蓝道 You're not gonna bother me today, Randal.
我今天心情特别好 I'm in too good a mood.
因为你妈妈把舌头给你舔了一下? Because your mom slipped you the tongue?
因为我刚刚从网上得到消息 No, because I just read online that there's gonna be
电影公司将会拍一部变形金刚的真人动画 a live-action Transformers movie.
怎么? And?
呃… 你也晓得 Well... I mean, as you know,
我的网名叫擎天柱（无敌铁牛） my online handle is Optimus Prime.
我晓得 I know that. I wish I didn't.
不仅真人变形金刚开拍 Well, so not only is it awesome
让我感到高兴 that there's gonna be a live-action Transformers movie,
等电影上映后 but I'm, like, positioned or whatever
你想想 我可能拥有 with the best possible Net handle and e-mail address
最热门的网名和电邮地址 for when the movie comes out.
哦 你就会大受小骚B的欢迎了 Oh, you're gonna be rolling in the pussy, man.
你太恶心了 Don't be gross.
跟自己老妈热吻的人 Says the guy who was just playing
居然也说别人恶心 tonsil hockey with his mother.
丹堤先生! Mr. Dante!
别去骚扰伊赖亚斯 蓝道! Leave Elias alone, Randal!
别看他的小鸡鸡 Don't look at his wee-wee.
哥们 变形金刚烂死了 Dude, the Transformers sucked.
哦 才不是呢 Oh, no, they didn't.
他们才没有那么简单呢 They were more than meets the eye.
他们随时都能把 危机突击队打个稀巴烂 They could beat the pants off Ranger Danger any day.
是啊 想着你那句话的正确性 Yeah. I'll lose sleep wondering whether you're right
我恐怕会失眠了 about that or not.
你是基督徒 我猜想 I thought you werert even allowed to watch a lot of TV
你父母可能都不怎么让你看电视 in your house 'cause you're all Christian and shit.
他们发现小汽车和卡车 Well, as it turns out, cars and trucks
变成… that turn into...
机器人并不会亵渎神明 robots aren't really that blasphemous,
因为我的牧师说 because my pastor says
一种机器会有可能变成另一种机器 that machines can turn into other machines,
所以并不是对上帝不敬的诡计 and it's not a sleight against God.
变形金刚当然是对上帝不敬的诡计 Transformers were a total sleight against God,
因为上帝让他唯一的儿子 inasmuch as God sent His only begotten son
死在十字架上以拯救人类 to die on the cross to redeem mankind,
而我们回报他的 and all we did to pay him back
居然是制作变形金刚这样的该死动画 was make terrible fucking can'toons like the Transformers.
射得很准 Nice shot.
在圣经研习班的时候 我们画了一个流程图… Well, 'cause at Bible camp, we made this flow chart which...
我是说 I mean, I don't know,
在某种程度上证明了… kind of, like, proved or whatever that...
好吧… Well, okay...
圣经研习班?! Bible camp?!
既然上帝创造了… Since God created...
既然上帝创造了人类 Since God created man,
人类创造了变形金刚… and man created the Transformers...
…所以变形金刚也是上帝的馈赠 蓝道 ...the Transformers are like a gift from God, Randal.
不 不是上帝的馈赠 No, sir. They are not a gift from God.
他们是来自我们称之为 They are an unoly curse
"荒凉鬼蜮"的邪恶诅咒 from the beast we call the Desolate One.
我不想听你说这些 蓝道 I don't really want to hear this, Randal.
第一个堕落的人 The first of the fallen,
处女杀手 the spoiler of virgins,
堕胎大师! the master of abortions!
我不喜欢谈黑暗的东西 蓝道 You know I don't like to talk about dark forces, Randal.
♪ 让我来帮你 ♪ ♪ Let me help you ♪
♪ 从椅子上站起来 奶奶! ♪ ♪ Out of your chair, Grandma! ♪
♪ 奶奶 来到节日的现场 ♪ ♪ Grandma, what was it like ♪
♪ 滋味怎么样? ♪ ♪ To be on that holiday site? ♪
♪ 那晚 我半夜醒来 ♪ ♪ Late that night, I awoke from my sleep ♪
♪ 听到未知的声音♪ ♪ Hearing unknown voices ♪
♪ 疯狂地笑着… ♪ ♪ Laughing insane... ♪
你他妈干什么? Oh, what the fuck was that?
什么? What?
你挥手了 That wave.
我看见贝琪 所以就挥手了 I saw Becky, so I waved.
只要20秒她就能进来了 She'll be in here in 20 seconds.
怎么了? And?
你居然在她进来之前 And you've got to greet her
还要跟她打招呼 你这个马屁精? before she gets in here, you fuckir ass-kiss?
这算怎么回事? What's that all about?
这叫做友谊 It's called friendship.
她是你老板 She's your boss.
下属怎么可能成为老板的朋友? You can't be friends with your boss.
不 你不可能成为老板的朋友 No, you can't be friends with your boss.
我喜欢我的老板 I like my boss.
你俩之间肯定有一腿 I think there's something going on between you two.
你疯了 You're crazy.
你经常跟她说话 You spend an awful lot of time talking to her.
我也经常跟你说话 I spend an awful lot of time talking to you, too.
我一直认为 And I've always maintained
你对我有意思 虽然我一直没理睬你 you're harboring an unrequited homosexual crush on me.
我们只是朋友 We're just friends.
我早就跟你说清楚了 That's what I keep telling you.
白痴 我说的是我和贝琪 No, you idiot, me and Becks.
"贝琪"? "Becks"?
我就晓得 I knew it.
你跟我们的老板上床了 You're fucking around with the boss.
是啊 所以我才跟未婚妻搬到佛州 Yeah, that's why I'm moving to Florida with my fiancee.
你为什么尽找一些 Why would you want to fuck around
跟你年纪相当的人上床? with a chick your own age, man?
如果你想吃野食 If you've got to sow some of your wild oats,
放学之后来我们这里的年轻小妞多得是 there's all these fine young chicks that stop in here after school.
首先 我没有背着未婚妻乱搞 First off, I'm not cheating on my fiancee.
其次 如果我要背着未婚妻乱搞 Secondly, if I was cheating on my fiancee,
也不会是年轻小妞 it wouldn't be with a teenager.
为什么呢? Why not?
这份工作最大的乐趣 The best part of this job
就是能经常看到 那些刚到合法年龄的小妞 is all the barely-legal pussy that comes in here.
她们进来后都仰慕地看着我 And they all look up to me,
因为我有驾照 'cause I've got a driver's license.
- 了不起 - 你都33了 - It's awesome. - You're 33.
你告诉我有哪个33岁的女人 You show me one 33-year-old chick
在床上 who's as buck-wild in bed
会像17岁少女一样狂野? as her 17-year-old counterpart.
现在的17岁少女了不得 17-year-olds nowadays are crazy.
什么事情都愿意干 They're up for anything.
就算你要玩"ATM"她们也毫不含糊 （直接从肛门出来进嘴而不擦洗） They even like it when you go ass to mouth.
我的老天 Oh... my... God.
什么? What?
你说真的吗? Are you serious?
"ATM"的事情我可不会开玩笑 I don't fuck around when it comes to ass to mouth.
怎么能那么恶心呢 You never go ass to mouth.
不是我要的 It's never my idea.
那些年轻小妞可淫荡了 These young girls today get all horned up,
她们会要你"ATM" and they tell you to go ass to mouth.
不能那么做 蓝道! You never go ass to mouth, Randal!
你跟我妈似的 You sound like my mom.
贝琪 你有没有搞过"ATM"? Becks, do you ever go ass to mouth?
从来没有 You never go ass to mouth.
从来没有过吗? You've never gone ass to mouth?
不能搞"ATM" You never go ass to mouth.
我从来没搞过"ATM" I've never gone ass to mouth.
一次都没有? Not even once?
一次都没有 Not even ever.
你俩都太压抑了 You're both so repressed.
好吧 All right, look,
我晓得你给人吹过箫 是吗? I know you've given a blow job, right?
我包都还没放下呢 I haven't even put my purse down yet.
这就是有了 That's a yes.
我也晓得你给女人品过玉 And I know you've gone down on chicks.
你要说什么? What's your point?
呃 Well,
当你把嘴巴放下爱人下面的时候 when you're done chowing down on the no-no parts
你吻过他 是吗? of your lover, you kiss him, right?
那个跟"ATM"就是一样的 That's just like going ass to mouth.
你把阴道比做肛门 Okay, I'm pretty sure you just compared a vagina to an asshole.
怎么? And?
你有没有把纸巾架装满了? Have you restocked all the napkin holders yet?
那是伊赖亚斯的事 That's an Elias job.
你刚才的那个类比 That comparison of pink and brown eyes
让这工作变成你的了 just made it a Randal job.
哈! Zing!
闭嘴 机器人 Shut the fuck up, GoBot.
我可以起诉公司对我性骚扰 I could probably sue this whole corporation right now for sexual harassment.
因为我坚决赞成"ATM" You're just making me restock the napkin holders
你就让我装纸巾 because of my firmly held beliefs on the subject of ass to mouth.
不能搞"ATM"! You never go ass to mouth!
你怎么还不长大? Would you grow up?
好吧 咱们是朋友 All right, I'm gonna tell you this
我就告诉你… 'cause we're friends...
有时候在兴致来了的时候 but sometimes, in the heat of the moment,
"ATM"也是可以原谅的 it's forgivable to go ass to mouth.
我就晓得 I knew it.
我太闷了! I'm fuckir bored, man!
再这样下去我就要再吸上了 And boredom's the first step on the road to relapse.
你要干我吗? Would you fuck me?
我愿意干我自己 I'd fuck me.
我愿意使劲干我自己 I'd fuck me hard.
♪ Ooh, ooh... ooh, ooh... ♪
该死 Shit.
你好啊 史考特小姐 Well, hello, Miss Scott.
哈 逃跑艺术家来了 Well, here he is, the escape artist.
我还没走呢 I'm not gone yet.
拜托 你上个月一直都不在 Please. You've been gone for the last month.
你们什么时候走? When do you guys leave?
明天一早开车出发 Well, we start driving tomorrow morning.
我在日历上给你留了我的收信地址 Oh, uh, I left you the forwarding address
你把我的最后薪酬寄给我 for my last check on the calendar there.
没错 So you did.
那是她们家父母的地址吧? That's her parents's house, right?
是的 但结婚后就搬出去住了 Yes, but only until the wedding.
据我所知 And then, from what I hear,
她父母打算给我们一套房子 her parents are giving us a house.
不错啊! Nice!
看来现在又流行给嫁妆了 So I guess dowries are making a comeback.
是啊 Oh, yeah.
她爸爸还另外给了我们 两头肥牛和一只羊 Her dad sweetened the pot with two fatted calves and a goat.
我会想你的 希克斯 I'm gonna miss you, Hicks.
我也会想你的 Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too.
我还是不敢相信 I still can't believe
你居然把我一个人留在这里… you're just gonna leave me alone in this place...
面对跟蓝道·葛雷夫斯等人 with Randal Graves, of all people.
辞工啊 Quit.
去佛州 Move to Florida.
来我的洗车店工作 You could work at the car wash with me.
太诱人了 Wow, you make it sound so tempting.
我怎么忍心拒绝呢? How can I say no?
是啊… 佛州的洗车店 真了不起啊 Oh, yeah... 'cause it's a fucking car wash in Florida.
难道比这个地方还糟糕吗? Like it's any worse than this place.
好啊 你继续说这些恶心人的话吧 Hurl the insults all you want, buddy man.
等我叔叔病好了以后 As soon as my uncle's on his feet again,
我才不会呆在这里呢 it's not like I'm gonna be staying here.
- 嘿 他现在怎么样了? - 好多了 - Hey, how's he doing? - A lot better.
治疗了两年 长期的化疗 It only took two years and a shitload of chemo,
… 但他的红细胞指数恢复了正常 but... his red cell count's almost back to normal.
太好了 That's great.
是啊 对我来说也是好消息 Yeah, it's great for me, too.
本来是说暂时帮忙几个礼拜的 Couple of weeks in this crap shack
居然一晃就是两年多 turned into a couple of years a little too quickly.
不过 希克斯 我们可以坐在这里 But, Hicks, we can sit here
东拉西扯 说你的最后一天 making small talk about your last day
说你走了 我该怎么办 and what it is I'm going to do once you're gone,
我们也可以像平时一样 or we can treat this like any other workday.
Ding-a-ling-a-ling!
蓝道 Randal.
统治世界的魔戒 One ring to rule them all.
你有没有想过为什么 没有女孩子愿意跟你上床 And you wonder why no chick'll let you stick your cock in her.
从来没想过 I never wondered that.
因为你早就接受 Yeah, 'cause you've accepted the fact
你永远都泡不到妞 that you'll never get a chick a long time ago.
只要我愿意 再容易不过了 I could get a chick if I wanted.
你开玩笑吗? Who are you kidding?
你才不会有机会呢 可怜虫 You can't get a chick, you mook.
你既怪诞又可悲 You're too weird and sad.
女孩们让我左拥右抱我都还不要呢 I turn down chicks left and right.
你左拥右抱的是你两颗卵蛋吧 Your chicks are your "left" and "right."
才怪 你根本不知道 Yeah, right. What do you know?
我晓得你是个大呆子 Uh, I know you're a huge fuckir nerd
没有那个女孩喜欢呆头鹅 of Potsie-like proportions, and no chicks dig nerds,
特别是喜欢《魔戒》的呆头鹅 especially nerds that are into Lord of the Rings.
女孩也喜欢《魔戒》蓝道 Chicks dig Lord of the Rings, Randal.
是啊 那种女孩 Yeah. The kind of chicks
喜欢精灵和剑的女孩 that are into swords and elves and shit,
我才不愿意用我的刚多火炬操她们呢 and I wouldn't fuck them with the Torch of Gondor.
你真恶心! Oh, you're so gross!
嘿 Hey, man.
欢迎 需要点什么? Welcome to Mooby's. May I take your order?
嗯… Yeah, um...
我看看 let's see.
给我一杯美味牛奶饮料 Give me one Udderly Delicious Moo-ilk Shake,
连皮牛肉和一份洋葱圈 谢谢 Skinny Calf and an order of onion rings. Thanks.
"魔戒全属至尊御" "One ring to rule them all."
"至尊指引诸魔" "One ring to find them."
老天 Oh, Jesus.
"至尊魔戒唤众戒" "One ring to bring them all."
"众戒归一黑暗中" "And in the darkness bind them."
哥们! Yes! Dude!
看了几遍? How many times?
第一部看了三遍 Well, um, three for Fellowship,
第二部两遍 two for Towers,
第三部看了4遍 four for Return.
《王者归来》我看了5遍 Five for Return.
哥们! Dude!
好吧 All right, look,
只有一个《王者回归》 there's only one Return, okay,
不是什么国王… 而是绝地武士 and it ain't of the king... it's of the Jedi.
哦 《星战》白痴 Oh, Star Wars geek.
我是白痴? Oh, I'm the geek?
看看你俩 一人一个宝贝戒指 Look at you two, whipping out your preciouses.
请你原谅他 You'll have to excuse him.
他不喜欢那三部曲 He's not "down" with the trilogy.
这个世界是怎么了? Oh, what the fuck happened to this world?
世上只有唯一的三部曲 There's only one trilogy,
你们这些该死的白痴 you fucking morons.
跟你说 You know what?
也许我们该叫你的朋友"阿米达拉女王" Maybe we should start calling your friend Padme,
因为他喜欢天行者的模型 because he loves Mannequin Skywalker
朝思暮想 对吗? so much, right?
"危险 危险" "Danger, danger.
"我的名字叫安纳金" "My name is Anakin.
"看看我 就晓得什么是失败" My shitty acting is ruining saga."
是啊 你疯了 Yeah. Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.
我疯了? Oh, I'm crazy?
那些个霍比人的电影烂透了 Those fucking hobbit movies were boring as hell.
说的就是一帮人在走路 All it was was a bunch of people walking.
整整三部电影说的就是一帮人去火山 Three movies of people walking to a fuckir volcano.
第一部是这样 Here's the first movie.
第二部是这样 And here's the second movie.
他讲得一点都不对 废物 He is way off. Loser.
准备好看第三部了吗? You ready for the third movie?
该死的混蛋 Fuckir A.
甚至电影里面树都在走 Even the fuckir trees walked in those movies.
跟你说? You know what?
我受够你了 I've had enough of you.
谁会认可你的简单化分析 Your simplistic analysis of the trilogy aside,
《魔戒》取得巨大成功 The Lord of the Rings was a massive achievement that
连奥斯卡评委都认可 even the Academy recognized
他们把最佳导演奖给了彼得·杰克逊… when they gave Peter Jackson the Best Directing Oscar...
而你的玩具小朋友乔治·卢卡斯从没得过 an award your little friend George "Toy Boy" Lucas has never
也永远得不到 and will never win.
来一下 Bones.
哦 蠢驴 Oh, sick burn.
我告诉你 Let me tell you something.
如果彼得·杰克逊真想 If Peter Jackson really wanted to blow me away
用《魔戒》征服我 他就应该 with those "Rings" movies, he would've ended the third one
以合乎逻辑的方式结束第三部 on the logical closure point,
而不是现在那个无聊的结尾 not the 25 endings that followed.
合乎逻辑的结尾是什么? What's the logical closure point?
是啊 朋友 Yeah, friend,
说来听听 enlighten us.
当那个白痴从昏迷中醒过来 When fucking Frito wakes up from his little coma or whatever,
发现小霍比人在他床上蹦来蹦去 and the little hobbits are jumping up and down on his bed,
山姆靠在在门框上 and Sam leans in the doorway
用基佬的眼神看着他 and gives him that very fuckir gay look.
别说了 蓝道 Not the Rings, Randal.
你说耶酥都不要紧 Say what you will about Jesus,
求你别说《魔戒》 but leave the Rings out of this.
我要把你踢回夏尔 I am gonna kick your ass back to the Shire
如果你还不闭嘴的话 if you don't shut your fuckir mouth.
那眼神如此放荡 我觉得山姆 That look was so gay, I thought Sam was gonna tell
会赶小霍比人出去 the little hobbits to take a walk
扑向弗罗多 so he could saunter over to Frodo
去舔他的老二 and suck his fuckir cock.
这才是配得上奥斯卡奖的结尾 Now, that would've been an Academy Award-won'thy ending.
嘿 基佬 他们不是同性恋 他们是霍比人 Hey, faggot, they're not gay. They're hobbits.
等他们互相舔完之后 And then right after the Sam-Frodo suckfest,
演职员表将要出现之前 right before the credits roll,
山姆就一下子喷在了弗罗多嘴里 Sam fucking flat-out bricks in Frodo's mouth.
我发誓… I swear...
去你妈的! Fuck you!
我嘲笑一个魔戒迷太过于厉害 I made fun of Lord of the Rings so hard,
他吐得柜台上到处都是 it made some super-geek puke all over the counter.
拖把和桶在哪儿? Where do we keep the mop and bucket
我让伊赖亚斯收拾干净 so I can have Elias clean it up?
跟其他清洁设备一起在储藏间 In the closet with the rest of the cleaning products.
我们有清洁设备吗? We have cleaning products?
什么味道这么怪? Why does it smell so weird in here?
再见 Buh-bye.
我会看着你的 I'm on to you.
你晓得等你走了 没人保护他 You know he's not gonna make it here long
他肯定待不久的 once you're not here to protect him anymore, don't you?
是你在鼓励他 Well, you're the one out there encouraging him,
鼓吹"ATM" advocating ass to mouth.
我没有鼓吹 你这个假正经 I wasrt advocating it, you big prude.
我只是说偶尔为之也无可厚非 I just said it was fine once in a while.
如果艾玛让你这么做你还不做? Like you wouldn't do it if Emma told you to.
当然不! Christ, no!
我以为爱无所不为 Oh, I thought love knew no bounds.
呃 有点恶心是不是? Ew. That came off kind of catty, didn't it?
是的 像白天的肥皂剧 A little daytime soapish, yeah.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我也不晓得为什么脱口而出 I don't know why I said that.
我实际上还是喜欢艾玛的 I actually kind of like Emma.
我也是 So do I.
所以你们才要结婚! So that's why you're getting married!
我等不及要看你订婚呢 I can't wait until you get engaged,
我就可以像你现在这样开你的玩笑了 so I can bust your balls as hard as you've busted mine.
那你要久等了 先生 You're going to be waiting a long time, sir.
没错 我忘记了 Oh, that's right. I forgot.
你是冷血的冰山公主 You're the cold-hearted ice princess
你不相信婚姻 that doesn't believe in marriage.
我不是说你做得不对 I'm not saying that it's not all right for you,
不过 我觉得 but, yes, I do think
婚姻有违人的原始天性 that marriage goes against our primal nature.
被爱? To be loved?
随心所欲做爱… To fuck as much as possible...
到处播撒种子 以免物种灭绝 spread the seed around and keep the species going.
电影里面跟贺卡上面写的那些东西 And all that shit they feed us in the movies
都只是为了宣传 and greeting cards is just propaganda
骗我们结婚生子 让经济正常运行 to get us to marry, have kids and keep the economy going.
结婚有很多商机 Marriage is just the keystone to economics.
你真是个蠢姑娘 You're such a sappy girl.
你是想告诉我 Are you trying to tell me
你不相信爱 贝克菈? you don't believe in love, Beckalah?
爱情 In romantic love,
不相信 no.
我爱我的父母 Like, I love my parents.
我爱我的车 我爱你 I love my car. I love you.
但爱情 心和鲜花 But romantic love, hearts and flowers,
"这世上只有一个人与你是天作之合"? "There's only one person out there for me"?
拜托 晓得世界上有多少人吗? Come on, you know how many people there are out there?
比跟你结婚的人 Odds are there's always going to be someone who's a better match for you
更加适合你的人多得是 than the person you end up marrying.
根据你的理论 So based on your theory,
有比艾玛更适合我的人咯 there's someone out there better for me than Emma.
哦 那个我不便置评 Oh, no, I'm not touching that one.
等等 Wait a second.
你觉得我不是真的爱她? You don't think I really love her?
我觉得… I think...
你爱她所代表的 you love what she represents.
是什么呢…? Which is...?
她那种女孩 在高中时候 Come on, Dante, she was the girl who wouldn't give you
根本都不会正眼瞧你 the time of day back in high school.
等几年后 她在外面玩累了 And years later, after she's played the field
发现那些虚有其表的男人并不能满足她 and realized how unsatisfying the so-called "hotties" are,
她最终就会找上那些长得… she's finally gone with someone who looks...
老天 Oh, my God,
你是要说"丑毙了"是吗? you're gonna say "fugly," aren't you?
不是传统意义上的丑! Unconventional!
变得好快啊 Ah, nice backpedal.
谢谢 Thank you.
她用了很多年 It took her a few years
才最终懂得所有母亲教给女儿的真理 to finally figure out that thing that every mother tries to teach their little girl
当然只有靠自己才会真正明白 but she has to learn on her own,
那就是长得像你这样的男人更有价值 and that's that guys that look like you
因为你们比长得比你们漂亮的男人 have a lot more to offer, because you'll always
要更加努力 try harder than the pretty boy.
我成什么了 丑陋的流浪汉吗? What am I, some hideous fucking CHUD over here?
不 你是个值得猎取的人…某种程度上 No, you're a catch... kind of.
艾玛也是 And Emma's a catch, too.
不仅仅是因为她漂亮… 'Cause not only is she pretty, but...
她还能事事帮你做决定 she'll make all your decisions for you.
对你来说非常幸运 因为你这个人很是优柔寡断 Which is lucky, because you're pretty terrible at making decisions.
我的最后一天 你就是要不停揶揄我 So my last day is all about you telling me
说我是个丑陋的 优柔寡断的废物? what an ugly, indecisive loser I am?
拜托 你在"小歇便利店" Come on, you worked at Quick Stop
工作了10年 for, like, a decade,
在这儿也差不多一年了 and you've been here for a year almost,
在做上这两份工作的第一天 and since day one at both jobs,
你都在说要走出去 all you've ever said is how you needed
开始新的生活 to get out and start your life.
直到一天艾玛走进来对你说 And it wasrt until Emma walked through the door and was,
"跟我去佛州吧" like, "Come down to Florida with me,
"我会把我干到精尽而亡" "and I'll fuck your brains out,
"我爸爸会给你份工作" and my daddy will give you a job, and blah-blah,"
直到这时 你才有所行动 that you actually went and did something about it.
我明白… And I get it... it's...
她就是你的金饭碗 she's your golden ticket, dude.
呃… So, uh...
…你呢? ...what's that make you?
我只是曾经有一次打烊后 I'm just the girl who fucks ugly, indecisive losers
跟一个丑陋的优柔寡断的男人做爱的女人 in the kitchen once this place is closed.
那就是我 That's me.
That's something for the lovers out there.
J-RAM Radio. Right around high noon...
我们不会再提起那件事情了吧? So, we're never gonna talk about it, are we?
有什么好说的呢? What is there to say?
你后悔吗? Do you regret it?
你呢? Do you?
我后悔是在厨房的案板上 I regret that it was on the prep station table.
你还后悔呢… Yeah, you regret it... you werert the one
你有没在下面弄得满是蛋黄酱 who got mayo in your cooch.
你要我说什么? What do you want me to say?
我们都喝醉了? We were drunk, you know?
无心之过 It just kind of happened.
算你走运 You're just lucky
我不是你女朋友那种一夫一妻主义者 I'm not one of those monogamists like your girlfriend.
否则我就要尽力把你留在新泽西了 Otherwise, I might try to make you stay in Jersey.
如果有人能留下我 那就只有你 If anyone could do it, it'd be you.
哥们 你老婆找你 Dude, your old lady's out here looking for you.
好吧 Yeah.
跟我出去 我有给惊喜给你 Come outside with me. I've got a surprise for you.
就是这个吗? That's my surprise?
不是 No.
♪ 再见 马儿… ♪ ♪ Goodbye, horses... ♪
嘿 Hey.
哦 Oh.
呃… So, um...
你在找变形金刚都网站吗? are you looking for a good Transformers site?
如果去CarsToBots. Com Because at CarsToBots. Com,
你可以弄到一个 you can get an avatar
用你的照片修改成机器人的头像 that's your picture morphed to look like a robot.
拜托 Come on, man.
你晓得只有在有女孩子在旁边的时候 You know I only surf Transformers sites
我才会去逛变形金刚的网站 让她们看看我有多酷 when there's girls around, so they can see how cool I am.
那你在干什么? So what are you doing then?
我在帮丹堤先生准备送行的礼物 Trying to secure a going away present for Mr. Dante.
真的吗? Really?
送亚玟的宝剑怎么样? Well, how about an Arwen sword replica?
什么? What?
呃… Uh...
我觉得既有意义而且切实可行 'Cause it's, like, thoughtful and practical.
我在考虑更为性感的东西 I was thinking of something a little more sexy.
还有什么比精灵公主的宝剑更性感? Well, what's sexier than an elf princess's sword?
驴子秀 A donkey show.
什么玩意儿? What's that?
你有没有看过女孩给骡子口交? You ever see a chick give a mule a blow job?
哦 没有…! Oh, no...!
嘘…! Shh...!
老天! Jesus!
你要是坏我的好事 我就把你的头拧下来 If you spoil this, I'm gonna brain you.
你能保密吗? You gonna keep your mouth shut?
能 Yes.
天哪 God.
那是兽交啊 蓝道 That's bestiality, Randal.
希望是最好的 At its finest, I hope.
谁要看那种东西? Who'd want to see something like that?
我 丹堤还有你 Me, Dante, you.
我才不要看呢 I don't want to see something like that.
你为什么要看那么恶心的东西? Why would you want to see something like that?
因为有搞头 Because it's fucked up.
我想晓得 And I want to see
含了一嘴驴子精液的女孩会不会吞下去 if a chick with a mouthful of donkey spunk swallows.
有了 All right, here we go.
"怪怪凯莉与性感种驴" "Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud.
"从提哇纳的首演开始" "Straight from their dirty debut in Tijuana,
"凯莉正在世界巡回演出" "Kelly's taking it on the road.
"应该说是用屁眼在演出" Taking it in the ass, that is."
这么精彩的文字游戏真应该得奥斯卡奖 You got to give it up for Oscar Wilde-like wordplay that good.
有照片吗? Do they show pictures?
只有一张 怪怪凯莉给擎天柱口交的照片 Only one of Kinky Kelly sucking off Optimus Prime.
真的吗? Really?
把你的手机借给我 Let me borrow your cell phone.
哇 Whoa.
只有在遇到紧急情况的时候 Well, 'cause, I'm only supposed to use it
我才能用来打给我父母 to call my parents in case of an emergency.
现在就是紧急情况 This is an emergency.
我们必须把怪怪凯莉 今晚的表演敲定下来 We got to lock up Kinky Kelly for tonight,
我们要给丹堤先生一个难忘的送别 so we can give Mr. Dante a memorable send-off.
你喜欢丹堤先生的 对吧? You love Mr. Dante, don't you?
不是同性恋的那种 In a non-gay way.
那就把手机给我 Then give me your phone.
因为丹堤先生自己不会去看驴子秀 'Cause Mr. Dante's never seen a donkey show.
在他搬去佛州结婚之前 And it'd be nice to give him this before he goes off
让他看上一场就是做好事 to Florida and gets married and does all those other things
等他去了佛州 that prevent a guy from ever seeing
他这辈子就再也没机会看驴子秀了 a fucked-up donkey show in his lifetime.
你好 Hello.
我想预定一场怪怪凯莉的表演 Uh, I was hoping to schedule Kinky Kelly for a performance.
今晚 Tonight.
好的 Okay.
在等回信 I'm on hold.
祈祷吧 Fingers crossed.
是不是要把我们两个的老二 也摆成十字架的造型? We should probably cross dicks, too.
不 No.
工作 工作 工作 Work, work, work.
你就只会谈工作 希克斯 That's all you ever think about, Hicks.
嘿 贝琪 Hey, Becks.
嘿 艾玛 Hey, Emma.
"希克斯太太"
T恤不错 Great shirt.
是吗?我很喜欢 Isn't it? I love it.
我更喜欢的是这个 What I love even more are these.
东西来早了 These came in early,
所以我拿来给丹堤看 and I just had to come back and show Dante.
把你的给你 And give you yours, of course.
蓝道也有一张 And I have one for Randal, I guess.
什么东西? What is it?
我晓得还有三个月 Look, I know it's three months away,
如果你能光临的话 我们将非常高兴 but it would mean so much to us if you could make the trip down.
呃…当然 Well... yeah.
我不会错过的 Uh, I wouldn't miss it.
我们不是说好先安顿下来 I thought we were waiting till we got down there
再挑日子的吗? before we picked a date.
哦 他真可爱 Oh, him is so cute.
再考虑考虑? Him thinking again, huh?
如果事事都交给这些下人 If we left anything up to these jackals,
那么什么事都做不成 是吗? nothing would ever get done, would it?
我开玩笑呢 I'm just teasing.
我猜有时候你得替他们作决定 Guess you got to make their decisions for 'em sometimes.
好了 我明白 All right, I've got it.
晚上见 I will see you then.
谢谢 Thank you.
朋友 今晚 My friend, tonight,
我们把提哇纳搬到新泽西来了 we bring a bit of TJ to the Jersey 'burbs.
我不是很明白 蓝道 Well, I don't know about this, Randal.
我们怎么晓得他们不是开玩笑呢? I mean, how do we know this isn't a hoax?
网站上有照片吗? Like, were there any pictures on the Web site?
奇怪 没有 Strangely, no.
如果你看过女人给驴子口交的照片 But if you've seen pics of one chick sucking off a donkey,
其他就没什么好看的了 you've seen them all.
如果你从来没看过此类照片呢 Well, what if you haven't ever seen pics of anything like that?
那你肯定和安妮·法兰克一样无知 Well, then you must be as blind as Anne Frank.
如果你不去看那些 自己从来没有尝试过的 'Cause what's the point in having an Internet connection
怪诞、变态的性爱照片 if you're not using it to look at weird, fucked-up pictures
你还要网路干什么? of dirty sex you'll never have yourself?
我的妈呀 Ho-ly shit.
直到刚才我才弄明白 You know, I've never pieced this together until right now.
你是处男吧? You're a virgin, aren't you?
我也有女朋友的 蓝道 You know I have a girlfriend, Randal.
是啊 Oh, yeah.
她叫什么来着的? What's her name again?
米拉·霍基奇斯 Myra Hodgkiss.
是你编的吧? You made her up, didn't you?
这名字听起来就像是编的 That name sounds so made-up.
不是 No.
说真的 伊赖亚斯 你跟米拉做过爱吗? Seriously, Elias, have you and Myra had sex yet?
这个问题太私人了 蓝道 Well, that's just kind of personal, Randal.
说吧! Come on!
我把我所有性爱史都告诉你了 I tell you about my sex life all the time.
我上次在办公室 I let you smell my fingers
搞过泰腾·威瑟斯的小妹妹之后 after I fucked Taton Weathers' kid sister
不是还让你闻我的手指了吗? in the office that one time, didn't I?
是你逼我闻的 You kind of made me smell your fingers.
也许你不喜欢女人 Maybe you just don't like the pussy.
也许你喜欢老二 Maybe you're all about the cock.
不 不 我喜欢女人 No, no, I like the pussy.
拜托 So come on.
米拉有没有让你上她? Did Myra ever give you a crack at her crack or what?
虽然跟你没有关系 蓝道 Well, not that it's any of your business, Randal,
但她不能 but she can't.
为什么? Why?
老天 伊赖亚斯 Jesus, Elias, come on.
你得信任我 You got to start trusting me more.
因为等丹堤走了之后 Because once Dante's gone,
你就是我的好朋友了 you're gonna be my new best friend.
不 我不是 No, I'm not.
还会有谁跟你在一起呢? Who the fuck else am I gonna hang out with?
只剩下我俩了 哥们 It's gonna be you and me, buddy.
快说吧 So come on.
你得开始信任我 You got to start trusting me more.
说吧 说说你的事情 Open up and tell me shit.
说说你为什么还没有上过米拉? Like why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
那是因为有"枕头裤" Well, we can't because of Pillow Pants.
那是什么玩意? What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
"枕头裤"是住在她阴道里面的小怪物 Pillow Pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.
是她的阴道怪兽 Pillow Pants is her pussy troll.
当女孩子小的时候 You know how every girl's parents
她们的父母会在她们的阴道里放入小怪兽 put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young
以防止她们的婚前性行为? to keep them from having premarital sex?
嗯 Sure.
米拉的怪兽叫"枕头裤" Well, Myra's is named Pillow Pants.
即使她想跟我做爱 And so, even though she totally wants to have sex with me,
米拉说如果我把那话儿放进去 Myra says if I put my thing in her,
就会被"枕头裤"咬掉 Pillow Pants will bite it off.
所以我必须等到她21岁 So I got to wait until Pillow Pants
到那时候"枕头裤"就会自己跑掉了 gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday
我们也就能做爱了 before we can have sex.
是米拉告诉你这些的? And Myra told you this?
男女朋友之间 Boyfriends and girlfriends
总会讲些性事的 蓝道 talk to each other about sex stuff, Randal.
如果你也有女朋友 你就晓得了 You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
你跟米拉有没有接吻过? Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
如果不是有李斯特魔王 我们早就接吻了 We would have already, if it wasrt for Lister Fiend.
李斯特魔王是她的口腔怪兽 是吧? Lister Fiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
女人啊 Women.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
你肯定不会相信刚才伊赖亚斯对我说了什么 You are never gonna believe what Elias just told me.
看谁来了 蓝道 Look who it is, Randal.
蓝道 葛雷夫斯 Randal Graves.
你也在这儿工作? You work here, too?
天哪 我们班上还有谁在这里? Jesus. Anyone else from our graduating class back there?
哎呀呀… Well, well, well...
"泡菜操人" Pickle Fucker.
看看你们两个小店员 Man, look at you two fun-ployees.
一点都没变 Nothing's changed.
我愿意打赌 You know, I'll bet dollars to donuts,
当你们不是在为星球大战的情节 when you two aren't fighting
吵得不可开交的时候 about who shot first, Han or Greedo,
你们还能打起精神 you can still muster up enough energy
取笑别人 to make fun of other people.
是啊 你赶紧点了东西滚吧 Yeah. So hurry up and order and get out of here,
让我们好好来取笑你 so we can make fun of you.
哦 我不晓得你是否还有资格 Oh, I don't know if you're in a position
来取笑别人 葛雷夫斯 to make fun of anyone anymore, Graves.
32岁了还在炸汉堡? 32 and you're flipping burgers?
这之前 我听说你们是在"小歇便利店" Before that, I'd heard it was the Quick Stop
呆了10年? for, what, like, ten years?
不是每个人都能成为网路新贵的 We can't all be Internet millionaires.
网路新贵是谁? Who's an Internet millionaire?
伊赖亚斯这位是兰斯·道兹 Elias, this is Lance Dowds.
我们的高中同学 We went to high school together.
几年前 A few years ago,
他创建了一个搜索引擎 he built a search engine which compiles the lowest prices
收集网上的便宜货 of merchandise you can buy online.
你也许听说过… MadDucketts.Com You might have heard of it... MadDucketts. Com.
是不是刚被亚马逊以2000万美元收购? Didrt that just sell to Amazon for, like, 20 million bucks?
是啊 不过在那之前 Yeah, but back before
他不过是个"泡菜操人" he was the Mad Ducketts guy, he was just Pickle Fucker.
在一年级的时候 You see, freshman year,
高年级的学生会让我们交"投名状" the seniors would hunt us down and put us through what they called initiations.
他们会把我们塞到储物柜 They'd stuff us into lockers
或者把我们脱光了扔进女浴室 or throw us in the girls' shower room naked.
但兰斯最倒霉了 But Lance here got the worst of it.
那些高年级学生扒下他的裤子 The seniors yanked down his pants,
再他屁眼里塞了根腌黄瓜 and shoved a pickle up his ass,
让他走10英尺 and made him walk ten feet.
还没到目的地腌黄瓜就掉下来了 The pickle fell out before he hit the ten-foot mark.
他只好咬掉一口塞进去继续走 He had to take a bite of it, reinsert it and walk again.
哎唷… Ew...
别担心… 他成功了 Yeah, but don't worry... he made it.
咬了4口之后 His pickle was small enough to stay wedged
腌黄瓜终于插牢了 after only four bites.
我打赌这个世界上只有你一个人 I'll bet you're the only guy in the world
还记得那件事 葛雷夫斯 who still remembers that, Graves.
我打赌你还历历在目… Oh, I bet you still remember it pretty vividly...
"泡菜操人" Pickle Fucker.
你有没有兴趣 Do you have any interest
建一个魔戒和变形金刚的终极爱好者网站? in building the ultimate fan site for both The Lord of the Rings and The Transformers?
因为我愿意免费做管理员 Because I'd moderate it for free.
算了吧"枕头裤" Ease up, Pillow Pants.
这哥们对你那些狗屁东西才没有兴趣呢 The dude's not into your D&D, GoBots bullshit.
别侮辱他 Don't insult the guy.
变形金刚很有市场的 The GoBots are like the Kmart of Transformers.
谢谢你! Thank you!
我跟他们说了好多遍了 I keep telling them that.
给 这是我的电邮地址 Here, here's my e-mail address.
把你的想法电邮给我 Drop me a line with some of your ideas.
酷 Cool.
好吧 我看看 Okay, let's see.
点什么呢? What do I want?
来个小牛堡加起司 和一杯健怡可乐 Uh... how about a Skinny Calf with cheese and a Diet Coke?
我帮你准备 I'll get your order.
给 Here you go.
速度真快 Well, that was fast.
还很新鲜呢 And fresh.
谢谢 欢迎下次光临 Thanks. Come again.
赶紧拿走吧 我才能点我的大牛堡 Yo, let's wrap this up so I can get my Cow Tipper on.
这么着吧? You know what?
拿我的好了 Take mine.
我感觉我不会喜欢吃的 Something tells me I'm not gonna like it, am I?
哇 谢谢 "泡菜操人" Wow, thanks, Pickle Fucker.
"泡菜操人"请客啦! Yo, so Pickle Fucker gave us free eats!
我是不吃快餐的 You know, I don't eat fast food.
有害健康 It's not good for you.
当我听说你们在这儿上班后 But when I heard you guys were actually working here,
我就想亲自来看看 well, I just had to see it for myself.
有这些空闲时间真不错 It's kind of nice having that kind of free time.
同样的 晓得某些事情是永远不会改变 Just like it's kind of comforting to know
也让我欣慰不已 that some things never change.
保重 打工的 Take care, clerks.
白痴 Ooh, sick burn.
去他妈的 Fuck this.
把你的车借给我 Let me borrow your car.
你还要上班呢 You're supposed to be working.
我得出去几分钟 I got to get out of here for a few minutes.
把车借给我 Let me borrow your car.
伊赖亚斯 告诉贝琪 我们马上就回来 Elias, tell Becky we'll be right back.
去哪儿? Where we going?
这玩意跟苍蝇一样难吃 还有尿的味道 You know, this tastes like piss and flies, don't it?
真的要玩这个吗? Sure you want to do this?
当然 Oh, yeah.
会让我感觉舒服点的 This will make me feel better.
♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head ♪
♪ And just like the guy who's feet are too big for his bed ♪
♪ Nothing seems to fit, those ♪
♪ Raindrops are falling on my head ♪
♪ They keep falling ♪
♪ But there's one thing I know ♪
♪ The blues they send to meet me ♪
♪ Wort defeat me ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ Till happiness steps up to greet me ♪
♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head ♪
♪ But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red ♪
♪ Crying's not for me, 'cause ♪
♪ I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining ♪
♪ Because I'm free ♪
♪ Nothing's worrying... ♪
♪ Me. ♪
我就是有点不明白 Here's what I don't understand about you.
你有驾照 可以开大人的车 You have a license, you can drive a grown-up car.
可当你开迷你赛车的时候 But when you ride the go-can'ts,
你好像觉得更开心 you somehow feel better about yourself.
那只是为了舒解压力 Look, it just centers me, all right?
就像你上次在工作时打手枪一样 Kind of the way jerking off at work centers you.
我就做过那么一次 I only did it that one time.
但不是为了让发泄压力 And it wasrt to center me.
是为了达到高潮吧 Yeah, it was to come.
我不知道你 但高潮会让我头脑清醒 Well, I don't know about you, but coming centers me.
那我们干嘛跷班去玩迷你赛车? Then why did we have to leave work,
就为了能让你的头脑清醒? so we can ride the go-can'ts to clear your head?
因为我不想在餐厅的厕所里打手枪 Well, I don't want to jerk off in the Mooby's bathroom.
如果有顾客突然进来 What if a customer comes in
看到我自慰勾起了他的性欲 and my jerking off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong?
接下来 就变成我在努力阻止他 Suddenly, I'm fighting him off
把我的小鸡鸡塞到他嘴巴里 as he tries to jam my dick in his mouth.
这是最有可能发生的情况 The most likeliest of scenarios.
天啊 蓝斯说的话真的影响到你了 Man, that shit Lance said must have really bothered you.
去他妈的 Oh, fuck him.
他是个混蛋 一直都是 He's an asshole. He always was.
我真后悔我让他来烦我 I'm sorry I let him bug me even for a second.
庆幸的是我因此玩到了迷你赛车 At least I got a go-can't trip out of it.
为什么迷你赛车能帮助你? Why do the go-can'ts help?
我不知道 I don't know.
它们让我想起生命中最美妙的时候 They just remind me of a better time in my life.
例如? Like when?
例如我们年轻时 世界还在我们眼前 Like when we were young and the world was still in front of us.
我们没那么老 We're not that old.
对 Yeah.
但有时候我感觉 But sometimes I get the feeling
世界好像在很久以前就把我们抛弃了 the world kind of left us behind a long time ago.
你知道… You know...
你可以做些什么的 you can do something about that.
我说过了 我不想在餐厅厕所打手枪 I told you, I don't want to jerk off in the bathroom at work.
不 我是说你也可以离开快餐店 No, I mean you can get out of Mooby's, too,
完完全全改变你的生活 completely change your situation in life.
那有什么意义? 而且你干嘛在乎我? What'd be the point? Besides, why do you give a shit?
你已经要走了 You're leaving.
谢谢 你们 谢谢 Thanks, you guys, thanks.
拜托 Come on!
抱歉 Oh, I'm sorry.
您点的是二号餐吗? Was that a number two you wanted?
对 而且我要"巨大"号的 Yeah, and bovine-size it.
13块8毛4 $13.84.
我要两杯奶昔和一个大牛堡 I need two Surlies and a Cow Tipper.
好的 I'm on it.
薯条炸得怎样? How we set for fries?
看起来好像不对 I don't think these look right.
天啊!快离开那煎锅 你想把我们烧死吗? Jesus! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive.
你擅离职守可不是我的错 It's not my fault you abandoned your post!
叫你顾下薯条很难吗? Was it too much to ask that you handle the fries?
机器做了全部的事 The machine does all the work.
你非得要能变身的机器 What's a machine got to transform
你才会认真对待它吗? into some giant fucking robot before you'll take it seriously?
回家吧 Go home.
你能不能快做些薯条? Will you just make some fries already?
我不能整晚在这耗着 Look, I don't have all night.
对不起 女士 I'm sorry, ma'am.
他们应该找些墨西哥人来工作 They need to get some Mexicans working in here.
他们会… They'd be...
他们不会打混摸鱼 They don't play around.
我知道 就是墨西哥人害我失去工作 I know it. Mexican made me lose my job.
他妈的 他三十秒钟就盖好一个屋顶 That motherfucker put a roof up in 30 seconds.
你们死到哪去了? Where the fuck did you guys go?
你不会想知道的 You don't want to know.
我知道今天是你的最后一天 Well, I know it's your last day and all,
但你可还是照钟点算钱的 but while you're still on the clock,
你不能假装你还在乎一下吗? can't you kind of pretend like you still give a shit?
别怪他 Don't blame this guy.
跟我们同一所高中的一些鸟渣 Some cock stain that we went to high school with
跑来这里取笑我们一事无成 showed up to remind us that we're fucking failures,
所以我才想离开这里 so I wanted to get out of here
去发泄发泄 and blow off some steam, if you must know.
他说"鸟渣"? Did he say "cock stain"?
"鸟渣"是什么鸟东西? What the fuck is cock stain?
不知道…一些白白恶心的东西 I don't know... that's some white freaky stuff.
白男人总让白女人为他们做任何事 White boys get the white women to do everything.
你想跟一个"鸟渣"上床? You want to do a cock stain?
你知道我多常在这里碰到 Do you know how often I've had people come in here
和我同所学校的同学吗? that I went to school with?
操 上次我还帮一个我在 Fuck, I had to take a fucking order off of a guy
初中毕业典礼后吹过的人点餐 I blew after junior prom once.
没错 我也帮你哥服务过 Yeah, I've waited on your brother, too... h'noop!
我真不敢相信 I can't believe you.
像你这种滑头里的滑头 The smartest of smart asses got rattled
会因为几个痞子进来呛你几句 by some fucking loser coming in here
你就受不了了 giving you shit about your McJob.
干他妈的 好吗? Oh, fuck him, okay?
迟早我会做出些大事来的 Sooner or later, I'll do something with myself
会留下我的痕迹 and make my mark.
在那之前 我做的事都不是浪费时间 But until then, whatever I do is not a waste of time,
全都是为了这件大事做准备 it's all building toward something.
你不如先准备去炸些薯条 How about you build towards making some fuckir fries?
来了! They're coming!
你在说什么? Remember, you saved.
别用那种字汇 You don't use that kind of language.
这里又没有教堂的人 Ain't nobody from my church in here.
我不在乎别人嘲笑 I don't mind people snickering
我这身白痴的制服 at the stupid uniform I've got to wear.
但我绝不容许任何 But I'll be damned if I'm gonna let
自以为是 靠运气发财的家伙 跑到这里 some self-righteous, lucky turd come in here
把我和丹堤当成 and treat me and Dante
两只他妈的"懒猴" (Porch Monkey:门廊猴,辱骂黑人的字眼) like we're a couple of fucking porch monkeys.
蓝道! Randal!
呃 对不起 他… Uh, I'm-I'm sorry. He...
我没听错他刚说了什么吧? He didn't really just say what I think he said.
- 什么?懒猴? - 蓝道! - What? Porch monkeys? - Randal!
你他妈的有病啊?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
把钱退给我 I want my money back right now.
当然 对了 Of course. Um, you know what?
这个 本店招待的 Here, take this on us.
不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no.
我才不会吃这种 I'm not eating something that
种族歧视的家伙做出来的东西 was cooked by some cracker-ass hate-monger.
我吃 I will.
宝贝 你吃不出种族歧的味道的 Baby, you can't taste racism.
什么种族歧视?懒猴? What racism? Porch monkeys?!
- 你他妈… - 冷静点 老婆 - You little mother... - Calm down, champ.
不值得的 It ain't won'th it.
你应该庆幸我先生 You're lucky my husband doesn't
没跳过柜台把你牙齿打进去 jump across this counter and knock your teeth in.
- 为什么? - 对呀 宝贝 为什么? - Why? - Yeah, baby, why?
我是说 他又不是叫我们懒猴 I mean, ain't like he called us porch monkeys.
喂 喂 Hey, hey!
宝贝 别一直打我 Baby, stop hitting on me!
看吧 法官跟你说过了 See, the judge told you about that.
你得停止对别人动手动脚 You got to stop putting your hands on people.
请拿去 这是你的钱 Here, take this. This is your money.
拜托你 请把食物一起拿去 Please, take the food on us.
- 我们很抱歉 - 喔 不 不 - We're sorry. - Oh, uh-uh.
我会向报社投稿 I'm gonna write to the paper about this,
你们等着被炒鱿鱼吧 and all y'all getting fired up in here.
天啊! Jesus!
这食物我拿走了 I'm gonna take the food.
谢谢你 Thank you very much.
妈的 Damn!
操你的懒猴 Fuckir porch monkey...
谢谢光临 Thanks. Come again.
别离开我 宝贝! Don't leave me, baby!
你疯了吗? Are you out of your fucking mind?!
怎么?!到底是什么大事? What?! What's the big deal?
什么时候开始说"懒猴"是犯罪了? Since when is it a crime to say "porch monkey"?
我不知道… 一直都是! Oh, I don't know... since forever!
- 为什么? - 因为"懒猴" - Why? - Because "porch monkey"
是污辱黑人的词 is a racial slur against black people.
不 才不是 "黑鬼"才是 No, it's not. "Nigger" is.
蓝道! Randal!
蓝道刚才叫丹堤先生黑鬼吗? Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger?
闭嘴 伊赖亚斯 Shut up, Elias!
我没叫丹堤黑鬼 I didn't just call Dante a nigger.
我只是说"黑鬼"是个歧视名词 I just said that "nigger" is a racial slur.
"懒猴"也是 So is "porch monkey"!
不 才不是 Oh, it is not.
(都是歧视黑人的名词) Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jiggaboo, nignug...
那些才是歧视名词 those are racial slurs.
"懒猴"不是 "Porch monkey" is not.
我现在会假装这段对话没发生过 I am going to pretend like this conversation didn't happen.
伊赖亚斯 把那边收拾收拾 Elias, go pick up that fucking mess,
你只差这么一点就被开除了 and you are this close to getting shit-canned!
你他妈杀死我吧 Fuckir shoot me now.
你在干嘛?! What are you doing?!
你想被炒鱿鱼? Are you trying to get fired?
什么时候"懒猴" 变成种族歧视名词了? Since when did "porch monkey" suddenly become a racial slur?
从一百年前种族歧视者 开始用这名词时开始 When ignorant racists started saying it 100 years ago.
胡扯 Oh, bullshit.
我小时候我祖母常叫我懒猴 My grandmother used to call me a porch monkey all the time
因为我整天都坐在门廊 when I was a kid, because I'd sit on the porch
盯着我的邻居看 and stare at my neighbors.
就算你祖母 Despite the fact
可能用这个词来当做 that your grandmother might have used it
对你的昵称 as a term of endearment for you,
但它还是个种族歧视名词 it's still a racial slur.
就好比你祖母叫你"小犹条"一样 (辱骂犹太人的词语) It'd be like your grandmother calling you a little kike.
才不一样 Oh, it is not.
而且 我祖母对犹太族群 Plus, my grandmother had
抱有无上的敬意 nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community.
我小时候 她总是叫我 When I was a kid, she told me to always treat
对犹太小朋友好一点 不然他们会对我下犹太佬咀咒 the Jewish kids well, or they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
操 你在干嘛?! What the fuck, man?!
什么?! What?!
"犹太佬"也是种族歧视名词! "Sheeny" is a racial slur, too!
才不是 Oh, it is not.
是! Yes, it is!
她从没称呼任何犹太人"犹太佬" Well, she never called any Jews sheeny.
她只是常说"犹太佬咀咒" She just used to say "sheeny curse" a lot.
蛮可爱的 It was cute.
才不可爱 那是种族歧视! It wasrt cute! It was racist!
我不同意 老兄 I disagree, man.
她只是个老人 She was just an old-timer.
以前人们都那么讲话的 That's the way people talked back then.
不表示他们都是种族歧视者 Didrt mean they were racists.
不过我祖母有一次 倒是把破掉的啤酒瓶 But my grandmother did refer to a broken beer bottle once
称为"黑鬼刀" as a nigger knife.
你知道吗 现在想想 You know, come to think of it,
我祖母还真有点种族歧视 my grandmother was kind of a racist.
你现在觉得了?! You think?!
我…我还是不觉得 Well, l-I still don't think
"懒猴"是个歧视名词 "porch monkey" should be considered a racial term.
我一直拿它拿形容所有懒人 I mean, I've always used it to describe lazy people,
而不只是懒黑人 not lazy black people.
如果我们努力尝试的话 I think if we really tried,
我们可以收回"懒猴"这个词 让它免于沦落 we could reclaim "porch monkey" and save it.
你没办法拯救它的 It can't be saved, Randal.
这个字之所以被发明 The sole purpose for its creation,
这个字之所以存在 the only reason it exists in the first place,
就是用来歧视整个种族的 is to disparage an entire race.
就算可以拯救它 And even if it could be saved,
也轮不到你 因为你不是黑人 you can't save it, because you're not black!
听听你在说什么 Well, listen to you.
告诉我我做不到 就因为我的肤色 Telling me I can't do something because of the color of my skin?
你才是种族歧视者 You're the racist.
我会把它收回的 你看着好了 I'm taking it back. You watch.
嘿 Hey.
你想要什么 你这小懒猴? What can I get for you, you little porch monkey?
没关系 我把它收回了 It's cool. I'm taking it back.
嘿 Hey.
你对结婚有任何恐惧吗? So, are you scared about getting married at all?
我们刚才说话说到一半吗? were we in the middle of a conversation
因为我不记得 I don't remember leaving?
我刚刚在想… 我只是刚好想到 I was just thinking about it, and I was thinking
也许你在等某个朋友 that maybe you were waiting for some friend
来阻止你结婚 to try and stop you
或是问你 from going through with the wedding
对婚姻是否有恐惧 by asking if you're even ready to go and get married.
所以我现在问了 So I'm asking.
你是否害怕结婚? Are you scared about getting married?
其实有一点 Well, kind of.
我是说 我不是害怕结婚 I mean, I'm not scared of getting married, you know...
我一直都想要结婚 l-I always wanted to get married one day...
但我害怕的是婚礼 but I am scared of the wedding.
为什么? Why?
因为我不会跳舞 I don't know how to dance.
你在说笑? You're kidding.
我希望我是 I wish I was.
你就要把终生交付给别人 You're about to tie your life to someone,
一个甚至比你朋友还不了解你的人 someone who doesn't even really get you as well as your friends do,
你担心的却是在婚礼上跳舞 and what you're sweating is dancing at your reception?
我…我想她最终还是会了解我的 Well, l-I figure she'll eventually get me.
因为…你跟一个人结婚久了 I mean, you're married to someone long enough,
对方最终一定会了解你的 对吧? they got to get you eventually, right?
你在说笑吗? Are you kidding?
我父母结婚35年了 My parents have been married for 35 years,
他们还是不了解对方 and they still don't get each other.
艾玛漂亮 聪明 快乐 个性又好 Emma's pretty, smart, happy, a good person...
因为不知名的原因 她爱上了我 and for some strange reason, she loves me.
那我该怎么办? I mean, what am I supposed to do,
就因为我有一些的疑惑 pass up on that because I have
我就该放弃她吗? a few stupid doubts and some jitters?
再说 婚礼上跳舞 Besides, dancing at the receptiors
是眼前的当务之急吧? the more imperative concern at this point,
因为我只有一次… because I only get,
理论上来说 只有一次在自己婚礼上跳舞的机会 well, presumably, one chance to dance at my wedding.
你不会跳慢舞吗? So, what, you can't slow dance?
每个人都会跳慢舞 No. Anybody can slow dance,
但这大概是我仅有的机会 but this is one of the only times I've ever gonna meet
可以和艾玛的远亲会面 most of Emma's extended family,
所以我希望能在舞池上 and I'd like to be able to show some flair
展现一些光采 你懂吗? on the dance floor, you know?
给他们留个好印象 也许他们能了解 Like, make an impression so that maybe they'll see
艾玛是看上我哪一点 whatever it is that Emma sees in me
而不会觉得我只是个做汉堡 instead of all feeling like I'm some burger-peddling loser
连跳个舞都不会的失败者 who couldn't even bust a move.
什么? What?
你是认真的? You're serious?
走 Come on.
喂 复健人 Hey, 12-step!
杰! Jay!
上帝? Lord?
看上面 蠢货 Up here, jackass.
你在那上面干嘛? What the fuck are you doing up there?!
如果你要跳下来的话 Yo, if you're gonna jump,
先让我上上你吧 let me get a crack at that pussy first.
让我尝尝 Let me find out.
你的手提音响还在吗? You still got your boom box?
随便放些什么 把音量转最大 Play something, and turn it way up.
放些舞曲 Something danceable.
在这里? Up here?
你认真的吗? Are you serious?
你要在这里教我跳舞? You're gonna teach me to dance up here?
怎么?你想要我在所有顾客前教你? What? You want I should do it in front of all the customers?
什么顾客? What customers?
闭嘴 过来 Shut up. Come over here.
准备好跟着音乐 Okay, get ready for the music.
你会感觉到…在这里 You feel it... here.
来了 Here it comes.
♪ Grandma, what was it like ♪
♪ To be on the holiday site? ♪
放点较不邪恶的吧! Something a little less demonic, please!
♪ But with them by my side in the twilight... ♪
谢谢 Thank you.
这个好 就跟着我做 Yes! Okay, okay, um, just-just follow
我做什么你做什么 了解? whatever it is I'm doing, okay?
- 往前踏 - 好 - Step forward... - All right.
往后踏 Step back.
往右 To your right.
♪ Things you never, never knew before... ♪
往左 To your left.
向右转 Turn to the right.
♪ Like "l" before "E" except after "C" ♪
♪ And why two plus two makes four ♪
♪ Now, now, now, I'm gonna teach you ♪
♪ Teach you, teach you ♪
♪ All about love, girl ♪
♪ All about love ♪
♪ Sit yourself down... ♪
你跳得真的很差 坐下 Okay, you really do suck. Sit down.
告诉你了吧 Told you.
看着我跳 懂吗? Just watch me, all right?
♪ A, B, C ♪
♪ Easy as one, two, three ♪
♪ As simple as do, re, mi ♪
♪ A, B, C, one, two, three ♪
♪ Baby, you and me, girl ♪
♪ A, B, C ♪
♪ Easy as one, two, three ♪
♪ As simple as do, re, mi ♪
♪ A, B, C, one, two, three ♪
♪ Baby, you and me, girl ♪
♪ Come on and love me just a little bit ♪
♪ I'm gonna teach you how to sing it out ♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪
♪ Let me show you what it's all about ♪
♪ Reading, writing, arithmetic ♪
♪ Are the branches of the learning tree ♪
♪ But without the roots of love every day, girl ♪
♪ Your education ain't complete ♪
♪ Tea-Tea-Tea-Teacher's gonna show you ♪
♪ She's gonna show you ♪
♪ How to get an "A" ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na ♪
♪ How to spell "me," "you," add the two ♪
♪ Listen to me, baby, that's all you got to do ♪
♪ Oh, A, B, C ♪
♪ It's easy as one, two, three ♪
♪ As simple as do, re, mi ♪
♪ A, B, C, one, two, three ♪
♪ Baby, you and me, girl ♪
♪ A, B, C, it's easy ♪
♪ It's like counting up to three ♪
♪ Singing simple melodies ♪
♪ That's how easy love can be ♪
♪ Singing simple melodies ♪
♪ One, two, three, you and me! ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Sit down, girl ♪
♪ I think I love you ♪
♪ No, get up, girl ♪
♪ Show me what you can do ♪
♪ Shake it, shake it, baby ♪
♪ Come on, now ♪
♪ Shake it, shake it, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, shake it, shake it, baby, yeah ♪
♪ One, two, three, baby ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, A, B, C, baby ♪
♪ Na, na, do, re, mi, baby ♪
♪ Now that's how easy love can be ♪
♪ Whoo! A, B, C, it's easy ♪
♪ It's like counting up to three ♪
♪ Singing simple melodies ♪
♪ That's how easy love can be ♪
♪ Teacher's gonna teach you how to sing it out ♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪
♪ Let me show you what it's all about ♪
♪ A, B, C, it's easy ♪
♪ It's like counting up to three... ♪
我爱你 贝琪 I love you, Becky.
♪ Singing simple melodies... ♪
我怀孕了 丹堤 I'm pregnant, Dante.
♪ That's how easy... ♪
我有点犹豫了 I'm having second thoughts.
有关你的性向? About your sexuality?
有关去不去佛罗里达 About going to Florida.
嗯 对 Yeah, right.
怎么突然这样? Why now, all of a sudden?
贝琪怀孕了 Becky's pregnant.
是吗? She is?
怎么…你怕错过她的婴儿庆生会? So, what, are you afraid you're gonna miss the baby shower?
我是爸爸 I'm the father.
那真惨 This sucks, man.
我有他妈的骨盆泌尿症 I have pelvic piss syndrome like a motherfucker,
所以给我安静点 so be really fucking quiet.
喂 大哥 别看我的老二 Ew, dude, don't try looking at my dick.
- 干他妈的 - 什么? - What the fuck? - What?
我们应该丢下里面那顾客不管吗? Should we have left that guy in there?
管他去死! 你怎么让 Oh, fuck him! How the fuck did you father a child
不是你未婚妻的女人怀孕的? with a chick that's not your fiance?!
妈的 Holy shit!
她从你上次打手枪 She got pregnant off the toilet seat
残留在马桶上的精液受孕的 you jerked off onto!
我早就该知道了! I fucking knew it!
不是 我们有次下班后发生关系了 几个礼拜前的事 No, we had sex one night after work, a few weeks ago.
什么?!在哪?! What?! Where?!
这里 就在准备台桌上 Here, on the prep station table.
恶!那是我的准备桌 Ew! That's my prep table.
我不知该怎么办 I don't know what to do.
贝琪说什么? What did Beck say?
她说她想生下来 She says she wants to have it.
天啊 她想要你跟艾玛分手 Oh, my God, so she wants you to break it off
- 然后和她结婚 - 不是 - with Emma and marry her? - No.
她要告诉艾玛? She's gonna tell Emma?
不是! No!
等等… 那你的问题是? Wait a second... then what's the problem?
- 你那么笨吗? - 我是认真的 - Are you that dense? - I'm serious.
如果贝琪不强迫你的话 If Becks isn't busting your balls about it,
那你在担心什么? what's the big deal?
你还是可以搬去佛罗里达 You could still go down to Florida
从此过着幸福快乐的日子 and live happily ever after.
知道我在泽西有个私生子的情况下? Knowing I have a love child up in Jersey?!
你怎么每次都有 两个漂亮女孩喜欢你 How the fuck do you always have, like, two good-Iooking girls who want you?
你是我认识过最丑陋的低等生物 You're the most hideous fucking CHUD
但你却总有两个女孩 为你拼个你死我活 I've ever met, and you always have a pair of girls fighting over you.
听好 你不能告诉任何人 Listen, you can never tell anybody about this.
我能跟谁说? Who am I gonna tell?
我是认真的 蓝道! 而且不只我 I'm serious, Randal! And not just for me.
贝琪也说她不想任何人知道 Becky says she doesn't want anybody to know.
那你为什么告诉我? Then what'd you tell me for?
你以前做错很多对不起我的事 Look, you've fucked me over in the past,
但这是大事 but this is huge.
这很严重! This is serious!
答应我你会守口如瓶 Promise me that you'll keep your mouth shut,
因为如果你这次再搞我 because if you fuck me over this time,
我发誓我会揍死你的 I swear to God, I will beat the shit out of you.
你跟什么军队? You and what army?
我是认真的 I'm serious!
我也是认真的 你跟什么军队? I'm serious, too. You and what army?
答应我! Promise me!
好啦! 放开我 你这个疯子 All right! Get off of me, you nut!
干他妈的! What the fuck?!
我能跟你谈谈吗? Can I talk to you for a minute?
嗯 当然 我们只是… Oh, yeah, sure. Uh, we were just...
愿你的第一胎是个男性化的小孩 May your first child be a masculine child.
贝琪! Becky!
蓝道! Randal!
她让我有压迫感 我就脱口而出了 She was sweating me. It just came out.
妈的! Ow! Shit!
你想打我! You swung at me!
- 你避开了! - 因为你想打我! - You ducked! - Because you swung at me!
天杀的! Damn it!
贝琪呢? Where's Becky?
她刚走了 She just left.
我需要帮忙 丹堤先生 I need help here, Mr. Dante.
我不会包东西 还有蓝道刚把最后的腌黄瓜吃掉了 I can't wrap good, and Randal ate the last pickles.
你这个告密鬼 You fucking snitch.
对不起 蓝道 对不起 I'm sorry, Randal. I'm sorry.
贝琪! Becky!
也许她回家去买个验孕棒 Maybe she went to get a home pregnancy test
再确定一下 just to be sure.
今天能不能再更糟点? How the fuck could this day get any worse?
那你还在这干嘛?! Well, what the fuck are you doing, man?!
去追她! Follow her!
你觉得这样好吗? You-you think?
当然啦 You're darn right, I do.
你们两个得好好处理这件事 You two have got to work this out.
去追她 跟她谈谈 谈一个小时 Follow her, talk to her for an hour,
然后回到这里 then come back here.
一个小时?! An hour?!
我发现如果谈更久的话 L-I've found that any more time than that,
你会有讲错话的风险 you run the risk of saying the wrong thing again.
去追她 跟她谈一个小时 Follow her, talk to her for an hour,
然后回到这里 帮我打烊 then come back here and help me close up.
你不会自己打烊? You can't close up by yourself?
你他妈的混蛋 你就快当爸爸了! Fucking A, man, you're about to become a father!
应该开始有责任感了! Time to start acting responsibly!
一小时候回来 快去! Be back here in an hour. Go!
哈啰 Hello.
我想你们是怪怪凯莉吧 I assume you're with Kinky Kelly.
没错 你是蓝道? Good guess. You Randal?
正是 I am.
你们要多久时间布置? How long is it gonna take you to set up?
要接上音响 Got to hook up the boom box,
挂些布帘和灯光 hang a few curtains and some lights.
还有台小烟雾机增加气氛 I've got a small smoke machine for ambiance. Yeah.
那你快点开工吧 Well, you might as well start setting up.
我们只有一小时 We got about an hour
我们的主角就要回来了 before the guest of honor gets back.
我能在表演前先见见凯莉吗? So, do I, uh, get to meet Kelly before the show or what?
不行 Nah.
凯莉喜欢在表演前独处 Kelly likes privacy before show time.
表演后 如果你喜欢的话 But after the show, if you want,
你可以花五百元干凯莉 for an extra $500, you can fuck Kelly.
真的?酷 Really? Sweet.
对 我们要在哪里表演? Yeah. So, where we doing this thing?
就在餐厅里 Oh, right inside the restaurant.
你在说笑? You're kidding.
空间不够吗? Not spacious enough?
空间是很充足 No, it's plenty spacious.
可是这不是怪怪的吗? Just kind of weird, isn't it?
怪怪的? Kind of weird?
你们是搞兽交的 老兄 You're in the bestiality business, dude.
喂 混蛋 Hey, fucko...
…我们喜欢自称 ...we like to call it
种族交叉之色情艺术 inter-species erotica.
有意思 Intriguing.
♪ Shakedown 1979 ♪
♪ Cool kids never have the time ♪
♪ On a live wire right up off the street ♪
♪ You and I should meet ♪
♪ Junebug skipping like a stone ♪
♪ Headlights pointed at the dawn ♪
♪ We were sure we'd never see an end to it all ♪
♪ And I don't even care ♪
♪ To shake these zipper blues ♪
♪ And we don't know ♪
♪ Just where our bones will rest ♪
♪ To dust, I guess ♪
♪ Lamented and assured ♪
♪ To the lights ♪
♪ And towns below ♪
♪ Faster than ♪
♪ The speed of sound ♪
♪ Faster than ♪
♪ We thought we'd go ♪
♪ Beneath the sound ♪
♪ Of hope ♪
♪ The street heats the urgency of now ♪
♪ As you see, there's no one around. ♪
不好 Oh, no.
不会又来了吧 Not again.
是 穆比快餐店发生火灾 Yeah, I have a fire at the Mooby's
在纪念大道和李奥纳多街口 on Memorial Parkway and Leonardo.
什么? What?
这是在做什么? What the fuck is going on?
这是给你的送别派对 It's your going-away party.
Whoo! Whoo!
我们都要喝个烂醉然后做爱 We's all gonna get drunk and get laid!
天啊 伊赖亚斯醉了吗? Oh, my God, is Elias hammered?
很炫 不是吗? Isn't it awesome?
他抽了两条大麻 My man smoked two blunts full of skunk.
去他妈的枕头裤 Fuck Pillow Pants!
喜欢紧屄的话就吹喇叭 Honk if you love a tight pussy...
我们爱小屄屄 Yo, we love pussy.
今晚 在你离开之前 Tonight, before you leave me forever,
我们会看一个自从我们12岁时 we are gonna peep something we've been talking about
在你父母家看了"单身派对"录影带后 since we saw "Bachelor Party"
就一直讨论的东西 at your parents' house on Beta, when we were 12.
你在说什么? What the fuck are you talking about?
我会想你的 I'm gonna miss you, man.
我也会想你 但这有点太过份了 I'm gonna miss you, too, but this is a little much.
是吗?那你等着看 Yeah? Just wait.
好戏上场了! Show time!
各位女士先生… Ladies and gentlemen...
还有你 伊赖亚斯 and you, Elias,
直接从世界感官首都 straight from the debauchery
墨西哥的提华那而来 capital of the world, Tijuana, Mexico...
天啊 不 Oh, God, no.
天啊 是的 Oh, God, yes.
准备观赏这场活生生的兽交 Get ready for some hard-core bestiality.
种族交叉情色艺术 混帐 Inter-species erotica, fucko!
种族交叉情色艺术的最佳代表 Inter-species erotica at its finest,
由提华那远道而来 straight from TJ,
欢迎怪怪凯莉和性感种驴 I give you Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud!
♪ Maybe ♪
♪ Just maybe... ♪
♪ Naughty girls need love, too... ♪
别担心 女的会来 Don't worry. Chick's coming.
♪ I've been told time and time again ♪
♪ That you can't treat love like a game... ♪
女的就快来了 Any second, the chick's coming.
♪ But I play rough with hearts that never mend ♪
♪ 'Cause some guys like you do the same ♪
♪ Love was just a four-letter word ♪
♪ Never heard, how absurd... ♪
快来了 Any minute now.
♪ How could it be? ♪
♪ But now I can't believe this is real ♪
♪ How I feel, now you steal ♪
♪ My heart away from me ♪
♪ Used to be so good and so bad ♪
♪ Sex was something I just had... ♪
那男的对驴子真大胆 Wow, that guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.
蓝道?! Uh, Randal...?!
他妈的女人呢?! Where the fuck's the chick?
♪ Baby, don't let me be misunderstood ♪
♪ Temporary love's so bad... ♪
喂 弗瑞迪麦屈力 凯莉呢? Yo, Freddie fucking Mercury, where's Kelly?
♪ Then along came you... ♪
在这里 Right here.
♪ Now I know it's true... ♪
我以为那是性感种驴 I thought that's the sexy stud.
我才是性感种驴 I'm the sexy stud.
♪ Then came you... ♪
但这头驴是公的 But this donkey's a dude.
凯莉也可以是男的名字 Kelly can be a guy's name, too. Hey!
♪ Yes, it's true ♪
♪ I'm in love with you ♪
♪ And believe it, baby ♪
♪ This time, your love won't get away... ♪
因为命名上的混乱 Due to some nomenclature confusion,
今天不会有女人来了 there's not gonna be any chick.
那谁要吹这头驴? Well, who the fuck's gonna blow the donkey?
♪ Ooh, it's only you I adore ♪
♪ So much more than my body was asking for... ♪
♪ Yes, your love is breaking my chill... ♪
我那边硬得不得了 I have a huge boner right now.
♪ In my heart... ♪
天啊! Oh, my God!
贝琪! Becky!
你跑哪去了? Where did you go?
这边在做什么? What the fuck is going on here?
种族交叉情色艺术 Uh, inter-species erotica.
你还好吗? Are you okay?
我觉得非常恶心与反感 I'm disgusted and repulsed and...
可是我却无法转头 and I can't look away.
♪ Baby, don't let me be misunderstood... ♪
真大! It's huge!
♪ Temporary love's so bad... ♪
♪ But it feels so good ♪
♪ Then along came you... ♪
我们需要谈谈 We need to talk.
你看到那老二多大吗? Did you see the size of that cock...
我爱你 I love you.
我…我想你也爱我 And-and I think you love me, too.
当…当然…我… Uh, of-of course. I...
我是指 我们是朋友 I mean, we're friends.
我觉得你爱我超出了朋友范围 L-I think you love me as more than a friend.
没关系 你可以说的 It's okay. You can say it.
但是我…我不相信罗曼蒂克的爱情 But l-I don't believe in romantic love.
我觉得你相信 I think you do.
你真的想现在谈这个? Do you really want to do this right now?
♪ But it feels so good ♪
♪ Then along came you... ♪
看来表演结束了 Well, I guess the show's over.
我想还没 先生 I don't think so, sir.
♪ Naughty girls need love... too... ♪
如果他要打手枪 If he's gonna jerk off,
我也要打手枪 I'm gonna jerk off, too.
我不认为他要打手枪 I don't think he's gonna jerk off.
♪ So moving like you're 40 ♪
♪ This groove is much too naughty ♪
♪ Can't you see? ♪
♪ I want you just for me ♪
♪ Boys, make some noise... ♪
喂 你们要错过精彩的了! Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit!
那壮男要把他那根放到它…屁眼里了! The big guy's gonna cornole that ass... with his wiener!
等等再讲 Hold that thought.
♪ Freeze, freeze, freeze, freeze... ♪
希望那驴子屁眼里没有怪物 I hope that donkey doesn't have a heinie troll.
♪ Temporary love's so bad... ♪
好吧 我是 All right, I do.
是什么? Do what?
♪ Then along came you... ♪
我是爱你的 I do love you.
♪ Temporary, temporary... ♪
什么变态的人会被 What kind of sick fuck gets turned on
一个男人鸡奸一只公驴激起性欲 watching a guy fuck a donkey?
♪ Naughty girls need love ♪
♪ Baby, baby ♪
对不起 耶苏 I'm sorry, Jesus.
♪ Then along came you... ♪
丹堤? Dante?
发生什么事了? What's going on?
蛋糕 Ooh, cake.
我在外面小便时听到了新闻 Yo, I was outside taking a piss when I heard the news.
恭喜! Congrats!
你要生小孩了 对吧? You're having a baby, right?
没呀 谁说的? No. Who said that?
一个混蛋说的 Some asshole.
♪ Temporary, temporary... ♪
对不起 I'm sorry.
♪ Naughty girls need love... ♪
你这猪头! You fuck!
快 用这个打那猪脑袋! Quick, hit that two-timing fuck with this!
嘿 有没有兴趣去约会? Hey, want to go out sometime?
艾玛 我不… 我不知道该说什么 Emma, I don't... I don't know what to say.
把他拿去吧 你他妈的裱子 Take him, you fucking whore.
艾玛! Emma!
不 Oh, no.
♪ Don't let me ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Temporary love's so bad ♪
♪ Then along came you... ♪
妈的 别又来了 必须快点结束 Oh, shit, not again. Got to finish.
喂 警察在外面 我们身上还有大麻 Yo, cops are outside, we're holding,
我还在假释中 and I'm still on probation.
♪ Temporary, temporary... ♪
这是什么? What the fuck?
懒猴?! Porch monkey?!
不 不 没关系的 Oh, no, no, it's cool.
我把它收回 I'm taking it back.
我爱女人和啤酒 I love pussy and beer!
(我来本不是召义人悔改 乃是召罪人悔改 路克5:32)
似曾-他妈-相识 不是吗? Deja fucking vu, right?
牢房设计几世纪都没变过 Jail cell design hasn't changed much in centuries, has it?
也许他们应该换成雷射栏杆或什么的 Maybe it's time they brought in the laser bars or something.
或是他们可以做个塑胶牢房 Or they can make
就像X战警2里关万磁王的那个 a hard plastic cage like Magneto's in X-Men 2.
不 拜托 老兄 No, come on, dude,
你能不能现实点? let's keep it in the real world, all right?
你知道什么主意不错吗? But you know what wouldn't be a bad idea?
碳质炸药 Carbonite.
你觉得怎样 丹堤? What do you think, Dante?
我想我要杀了你! I think I'm gonna kill you!
放开我! Get off of me!
怎么了?铁笼决赛? What up?! Steel cage match!
你毁了我的人生! You ruined my life!
你的人生早就毁了! Your life was already ruined!
老天爷! Jesus!
你在想什么? What were you thinking?
他妈的驴子秀?! A fucking donkey show?!
是给你践行的礼物! It was your going-away present!
真好的礼物 It sure was.
我没想到我竟然会被关到监狱里 I just never thought I'd be going away to prison.
嘿 孩子们 Hey, boys.
你们不会因为观赏 种族交叉交媾而被关的 You can't be imprisoned for watching an inter-species sex act.
你们会被放出去的 You guys'll walk.
我最多也只会因虐待动物被罚款 The most I'll get'll be a fine for animal abuse
还有引来一堆保守者的鄙视眼光 and a lot of disgusted looks from asswipe conservatives
他们根本就不懂探索性趣 who can't appreciate sexual exploration.
我想念我的驴 I miss my donkey.
真不敢相信你 I can't believe you.
我好不容易步上正轨了 I finally get my shit together.
再几个小时就会离开这里 I'm hours from getting out of here
重新开始我的生活 但你还是有办法 and really starting my life, and you somehow figure out a way
毁掉这一切 还害我变成囚犯 to obliterate all that and reduce me to a convict.
对 都是我的错 害你的人生被毁 Oh, yeah, it's my fault your life's fucked up.
是我订了婚又把我老板搞大肚子 I'm the engaged guy who knocked up my boss.
你把穆比的老板搞大肚子?恶 You knocked up the guy who owns Mooby's? Ew.
什么? What?
你能不能闭嘴? Would you shut up?
你是混乱的转世 You're chaos incarnate, man.
我们的一生 Our whole lives,
你一直让我扯进麻烦里 让我无法前进 you've been getting me into trouble and holding me back.
我让你无法前进 是吗? Oh, I'm holding you back, right?
我记得十年前 I remember, like, ten years ago,
我们去茱莉·怀尔葬礼那晚 the night we went to Julie Dwyer's funeral,
你一直是一副"我需要去大便或是戒掉大麻" you were all like, "I need to shit or get off the pot."
是你说"大便或戒掉大麻" 不是我 You said, "Shit or get off the pot," not me.
那时你兴致勃勃的说要掌握你的人生 You got all fired up about taking charge of your life,
结果你做了什么? and what'd you do?
你在一家便利商店工作 直到它被烧掉 You worked at the store till the place burned down.
我在布鲁克戴尔修学分 I took courses at Brookdale.
但你半途而废了 And dropped out.
因为你也不去了 Because you stopped going.
我们只是用那些课来打发时间 Because we were just killing time with those classes.
一个学期 One semester,
我们甚至还修了犯罪学 we took Criminology, for Christ's sake.
我们想成为什么?蝙辐侠? What the fuck were we training to be, Batman?
至少我们在做些什么 At least we were doing something
而不是把生命浪费在便利商店里 instead of wasting our lives in some fucking convenience store!
你知道吗? You know what?
你可以尽量说小歇商店的坏话 但我想念那个地方 You can badmouth Quick Stop all you want, but I miss that place.
我喜欢在那里工作 I loved working there.
那段日子是我一生中最快乐的时间 I look back on that period as the best time in my life.
现在我知道你是个疯子 Now I know you're fuckir nuts.
为什么?因为我喜欢我做的事? Why? Because I enjoyed what I did?
我可以看电影 I got to watch movies,
整那些混蛋们 和成天跟朋友们打混 fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend all day.
你能想到更享受生活的方法吗? Can you think of a better way to make a living?
是的 也许这和平常人的生活不同 Yeah, maybe it's not what everyone does,
但那真他妈的爽 but it was pretty fucking good.
妈的 那只是你自己 Man, that's you all over.
以最低的标准过日子 Scrape by with the bare minimum.
我受够了这样 蓝道 Well, I'm tired of that, Randal.
我已经不在高中了 I'm not in high school anymore.
妈的 我甚至已不是二十几岁的人了 Shit, I'm not even in my twenties anymore.
我不想整天坐着 I don't want to sit around and rag on customers
边吃免费食物边骚扰顾客 while eating free food.
那是你想做的 That's what you want to do.
那是你一直都想做的事 That's what you've always wanted to do.
如果你人生的目标就是这样 那么我祝福你 Well, if that's all you want out of life, man, then God bless,
但我拒绝让你拉的屎 污染我的生活 but I refuse to let your shit taint the rest of mine.
不 我会好好解决我和艾玛的事 No. I'm gonna smooth things over with Emma,
然后去佛罗里达 go to Florida
开始我没有蓝道·葛雷夫斯的生活 and start my Randal Graves-free existence.
然后试着忘记过去这33年曾经发生过 And try to forget these last 33 years ever happened.
所以你对我们过去一起渡过的时间 是这么看法? So that's the way you see all this time we've spent together?
真是怪了 That's weird, man.
我以为你是世界上唯一一个 I thought you were the only guy in the world
了解我并且支持我 who got me and had my back...
唯一肯为我挡子弹的人 the only person who'd take a bullet for me,
因为我以为你对我 'cause I assumed you felt about me
也会像我对你一样 the same way I feel about you.
谁知道突然有一天 你会说"我要搬家了 掰掰" Then, all of a sudden, one day, you're like, "I'm moving. Bye."
你知道我有什么感觉吗? Do you know what that's been like for me?
我看见了一个无趣的未来 I'm looking at a future that just sucks,
因为你不在那未来里 because you're not gonna be in it anymore.
更甚的是你放弃我而得到的 不是个什么有意义的人生 And you're not even throwing me over for a life that means something to you.
只是个愚笨 空虚的自我存在感 It's just a stupid, hollow existence
你觉得你应该拥抱它 因为你已经老了 you think you should embrace because you're getting old or something,
因为这是大家都想追求的人生 because it's the kind of life everyone else goes after.
你只是只盲目跟从的工蜂 You're a fucking drone, dude.
很好 Fine.
下位被你毁了人生的朋友 Then the next friend whose life you ruin
可以拥有无拘无束的灵魂 can be a totally free spirit.
怎么样? How's that?
你以为我这种年纪还想交朋友? You think I want to start making friends at my age?
老天 Christ.
谁会想交我这种朋友? Who would want me as their friend?
我讨厌所有人 任何事情对我来说都很愚蠢 I hate everyone, and everything seems stupid to me...
但你一直都是我的互补 ...but you were always the counterbalance to that...
你是阴 我是阳 the guy who was the yin to my yang.
你叫我以后的日子该怎么过? But now what the fuck am I gonna do for the rest of my life?
我说 妈的 我真希望 I mean, shit, I really wish
在我们认识那天你就告诉我 you would've told me this when I first met you
说你有一天 会背弃我们的友情 that one day, you were gonna bail on our friendship,
因为如果我知道你几十年后 because if I had known you were just gonna flake on me
会临阵脱逃的话… a few decades later...
我一开始就根本不会交你这个朋友 I wouldn't have even bothered with your ass in the first place.
天啊 你们两个为何不 赶快做爱然后和好? Jesus, why don't you two just fuck and get it over with already?
死同志 Faggots.
你难道不能偶尔说说有用的话吗? Why can't you ever say something useful for a change?
你他妈还在等什么? Well, what the fuck you waiting for?
该你说话了 That's your cue, man.
我不知说什么 I got nothing.
老天爷 你有个屁用 Jesus fucking Christ, what good are you,
你这死哑巴 you mute fuck?!
你知道吗?那很伤人 You know what? That hurts.
你对我们的活动有过什么贡献? Like, what do you ever add to the fucking proceedings?
你只会说一句话: "我爱小屄" You got, like, one answer for everything: "Pussy, man."
那老兄 你一定爱死这人了 Oh, then, man, you must love this fuckir guy,
因为他是我认识最大的胆小鬼 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met.
他的一生 The dude who lives his life
是照别人的标准而活的 according to everyone else's standards.
"我必须去佛罗里达结婚 "I got to go to Florida
因为那是别人所期望的" and get married, 'cause that's what's expected of me."
而最疯狂的是 And the fuckir insane part is, he ain't even that crazy
他根本不是那么爱 他将要娶的女人 about the chick he's marrying or Florida,
更别说他还有个 never mind the fact that he's got
他疯狂着的女人 a perfectly good chick
就在泽西这里等他 right here in Jersey who he's nuts about,
就连他妈的安·法兰克也能看出 她也是疯狂爱着他 and even Anne fuckir Frank could see she's nuts about him.
天晓得 God knows why.
她爱的是真正的你 And she likes you for who you are, man.
而不是想把你塑造成一个 She ain't trying to stuff you into a box
根本不是你的人 you'll never fit into.
更别提她还怀了 Not to mention the fact that she's carrying
你这丑陋至极低等生物的小孩 your hideous fucking CHUD of a kid.
天啊 如果你还有理性的话 Jesus, if you had any sense whatsoever,
你就该停止盲目地跟从其它人 you'd fuckir stop trying to bray it up with the rest of the sheep
而活出对自己有意义的人生 and live your life the way it makes sense for you,
你他妈的混蛋! you fuckir ass!
是吗?那是什么? Oh, yeah? And what's that?
很明显你对自己的人生很有掌握 You obviously have such a great handle on your life.
告诉我如果你在我这种处境你会怎么做? Tell me what you would do if you were in my position...
或是你现在的处境你会怎么做? or even what you'd do in your own position?
把你批判我的钟摆甩回你自己 Swing that judgmental pendulum back the other way
告诉我你怎么解决你的问题 混蛋 and tell me how you'd solve all your problems, asshole.
伟大的蓝道·葛雷夫斯会怎么做? What the fuck would the great Randal Graves do
如果他掌控命运的能力 if he were half the master of his destiny
有我一半的话 that I'm supposed to be?!
我会把小歇便利店买回来重新开张! I'd buy the Quick Stop and reopen it myself!
那就是我会做的 That's what I'd do.
那是我们应该做的 That's what we should do.
才怪 Yeah, right.
你以为我们是谁?蓝斯·道兹? Who-who are we, Lance Dowds?
你知道要花多少钱 才能买回小歇便利店? Do you know how much it would cost to buy the Quick Stop?
大概要五万吧 Like, 50 grand, easy.
你我都没有那么多钱 And neither one of us have that type of money.
我们有 We do.
没错 That's right.
你们愿意借我们一些钱 You guys would be willing to lend us some of that money
让我们重开便利商店吗? so we can reopen the stores?
当然 但有两个条件 Sure, on two conditions.
一 我们可以在任何时间 One: We can hang out in front of the store
在你商店门口闲混 你不能报警 anytime we want, and you can't call the cops.
你们必须互吹喇叭 You have to blow each other,
让我们看 and we get to watch.
然后你们得互舔屁眼 Then you have to go ass to mouth.
好吧 就第一个条件 All right, just the first condition.
认真的吗? Seriously?
我有口吃吗? 当然是认真的 Do I stutter? Yeah, seriously.
你觉得怎么样? What do you think?
我有点不想说 但… I almost hate to say it, but...
这还蛮合理的 it kind of makes sense.
也许那就是为什么我们在那店里 花了那么多时间 Hey, maybe that's why we spent so much time in that store,
为什么大学 why college
或其它东西最后都不了了之 or anything else never panned out for us.
你想想 I mean, think about it, man.
我们两个自己开业 You and me running our own business
而不是帮哪个混蛋工作 instead of working for some other asshole?
可能会很棒 不是吗? Could be pretty fuckir sweet, right?
可能会 Yeah, it really could.
可是我还是不知道 But I don't know, man.
我差一点就要开始新的生活 I was this close to starting a new life.
天啊 Jesus.
你真的要逼我做吗? You're actually gonna make me do this, aren't you?
你们能把耳朵暂时遮起来吗? Can you guys cover your ears for a minute, please?
你是我最好的朋友… You're my best friend...
我爱你 and I love you.
是异性之爱 In a totally heterosexual way.
是吗 Yeah, right.
拜托 老哥 别离开我 Please, man, don't leave me.
谢谢 Thanks.
总共是五块七毛九 That'll be $5.79.
你已经教我如何在婚礼上跳舞了 I mean, you already taught me how to dance at a wedding.
我是指…我知道你不相信 罗蔓蒂克的爱情 I mean... l-I know you don't believe in romantic love.
♪ I am the kindest soul with whom you're connected ♪
♪ I have the bravest heart ♪
♪ That you've ever seen ♪
那是愿意吗? Is that a yes?
你怎么拖了这么久才说? What took you so long?
♪... I am sometimes ♪
♪ You see everything ♪
♪ You see every part ♪
♪ You see all my light ♪
"魔戒掌控着所有" "One ring to rule them all."
♪ You dig everything ♪
♪ Of which I'm ashamed ♪
♪ There's not anything to which you can't relate ♪
♪ And you're still here ♪
♪ What I resist ♪
♪ Persists and speaks ♪
♪ Louder than ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ What I resist ♪
♪ You love, no matter ♪
♪ How low ♪
♪ Or high I go... ♪
拜托 Come on!
♪ You see everything ♪
♪ You see every part ♪
♪ You see all my light ♪
♪ And you love my dark ♪
♪ You dig everything ♪
♪ Of which I'm ashamed ♪
♪ There's not anything to which you can't relate ♪
♪ And you're still here ♪
♪ You see everything ♪
♪ You see every part You're still here ♪
♪ You see all my light ♪
♪ And you love my dark And you're still here ♪
♪ You dig everything ♪
♪ Of which I'm ashamed ♪
♪ There's not anything to which you can't relate ♪
♪ And you're still here. ♪
谢谢 好的 Thanks. Okay.
一包烟? Pack of cigarettes?
你知道吗? 什么? You know what? What?
你今天不该在这里的 You're not even supposed to be here today.
你感觉得到吗? Can you feel it?
感觉到什么? Feel what?
今天是我们此后人生的开始 Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
♪ They say misery ♪
♪ Loves company ♪
♪ We could start a company ♪
♪ And make misery ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Well, I know just what you need ♪
♪ I might just have the thing ♪
♪ I know what you'd pay ♪
♪ To see ♪
♪ Put me out of my misery ♪
♪ I'd do it for you ♪
♪ Would you do it for me? ♪
♪ We will always be busy ♪
♪ Making misery ♪
♪ We could build a factory ♪
♪ And make misery ♪
♪ We'll create the cure ♪
♪ We made the disease ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Well, I know just what you need ♪
♪ I might just have the thing ♪
♪ I know what you'd pay ♪
♪ To feel ♪
♪ Put me out of my misery ♪
♪ All you suicide kings and you drama queens ♪
♪ Forever after happily ♪
♪ Making misery ♪
♪ Did you satisfy your greed? ♪
♪ Get what you need? ♪
♪ Was it only envy? ♪
♪ So empty ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Put me out of my misery ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ I'd do it for you, would you do it for me? ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Ever after happily ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Making misery ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Put me out of my misery ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ I'd do it for you, would you do it for me? ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated ♪
♪ Put me out of my misery ♪
♪ Frustrated, Incorporated. ♪
妈的 需要快点结束 Oh, shit, got to finish!
嘴巴贴上股沟 Snooge to the nooge!
我的天啊…! Oh, my God...!